Tuesday, August 28, 2012

better living through poison

For the second morning in a row, I have mistaken conditioner for body wash.  I didn't actually realize my mistake until this morning, when, in an attempt to figure out why my little scrubby thingy wasn't lathering up yet again this morning, I glared at the squeeze bottle in my hand and actually read the label.  This may be a sign of sleep deprivation.

At least I am comforted by the knowledge that yesterday I had well-conditioned armpits.

It's still nowhere near as bad as when my brother recently tried to murder me when I showered at his house.  I had neglected to pack any soap or body wash because everybody already has that in their shower, right?  I didn't see a bar of soap in his shower, but there was a big industrial-sized body wash dispenser hanging from the shower head.  I pressed the button, but nothing came out, so I pressed again.  Still nothing.

But then I heard a quiet beep beep beep and watched, horrified, as the body wash dispense began to slowly rotate, spraying a toxic mist as it rotated.

Evidently some sicko invented an automatic shower cleaner, that sprays chemicals around the shower stall.  You are not supposed to be showering in said shower stall at the time.

Do you have any household chemical horror stories?

8 comments:

rebelle said...

LOL! Sorry...

Allison said...

That sounds terrifying. I probably would have fallen and smacked my head in an attempt to get out of the shower. ;)

Hope you were able to find some soap to wash the chemicals away!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It gets better, Rebelle. Evidently I was the third guest to whom this happened. Secretly,I suspect my hosts enjoy this.

You probably would have, Al. And then lay there unconscious while being cleansed.
Fortunately for me, the worst that happened was a need to cough up a lungsful of chlorine for a while afterward.

jakethejerkdog said...

so your armpit hairs are tangle free now?

I guess that isn't as bad as mistaking preparation H for toothpaste. No that isn't the voice of experience.

I'm thinking a soap dispenser like that shower cleaner would be a good product, then automatic scrubby brushes could come down and all you would have to do is hold up your arms and get cleaned. This would be followed by fans to dry you off. A human car wash!

OFKAR said...

That sounds like a scene out of Safe

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Human car wash! I like this concept, Kelly! But instead of a hot air dry, might I suggest big fluffy towels at the ends of robotic arms? Naturally there would be conditioner for the armpit hairs...

I want Julienne Moore to play me in the story of my life, OFKAR, especially the toxic shower scene.

mister anchovy said...

the shower spray thingy is just wrong.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Wrong and cruel and completely unnecessary, Mr Anchovy.