Saturday, March 10, 2012

Stacy and Clinton, please call

It's four sizes too big for me. There's a gaping hole in the collar, a couple of missing buttons, and it's so stretched out of shape that's it's a foot longer in the front than it is in the back. Plus it's a really unflattering sort of beigy tan non-colour. It's my ugly sweater, my dirty little secret that all the neighbours have seen me wear.

My ugly sweater was butt-ugly even when I first I bought it fifteen or so years ago. My reason for the purchase has long since been forgotten, insanity perhaps, or toddler brain. But I must admit, what the sweater lacks in beauty, it makes up for in longevity.

I tell myself that I am only hanging onto it, so that somebody will spot me wearing it, take pity on me, and nominate me to be on What Not to Wear. If you are planning to do this (and I pray that you are), please hurry. All my other clothes are suddenly in various stages of shreddedness and I don't want to spend money on new clothes if Clinton and Stacy are just going to make me throw them away.

Have you got any shameful clothing secrets hiding in your closet?


Anonymous said...

nope none at all, no way, nothing bad in my closet,

I use to have some fairly ratty, holey clothes that I claimed were for painting, yard work etc. Most of those have been tossed because of the quantity that had become. A couples pairs of jeans and half dozen work/paint shirts are quite enough.

I do have 5 or 6 silk hawaiian shirts though,do they count?


Barbara Bruederlin said...

Five or six Hawaiian silk shirts? I'm not sure if they count as a shameful secret, Kelly, but there's definitely some sort of personality disorder going on there.
You have given me a solution to my ratty clothes problem, though. I'll just claim they are all painting clothes.

Anonymous said...

How shameful is this? A red maternity sundress stays hanging in my closet...why? Must be an emotional thing I guess.Too bad it won't fit my pregnant daughter!

Lesley said...

I used to hold onto clothes a lot, clothes that were probably not attractive on me to begin with much less 10 years later. Then I realized (and I don't mean this as being cruel to myself) that the older I get the less likely I'll pop out of bed looking even semi-decent so I try to wear better, nicer clothes to make up for that. It may sound shallow, but it helps me.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Maybe it will fit some of your grandchildren once they become pregnant, Berni? You could call it vintage and they would be all over it.

That's exactly what I try to aspire to, Lesley, but not all that successfully. That why I need Stacy and Clinton, or YOU, to take me clothing shopping.

Anonymous said...

I hung on to and wore abra with a gnawed strap courtesy of Striker, our first ESS. When he died suddenly I just couldn't part with it, thinking of him everytime I wore it. I finally tossed it several months ago. These I wear a pair of black sweats around the place torn by Parker when he was a puppy. And yes they have been out in public. I'm not ashamed.

OFKAR said...

Sometimes I sleep or work out in my undershirt covered in zombie blood from Halloween. It's never going to wash out, but at least it doesn't rub off on the sheets any more!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Ah yes, fashion revisited through the affections of our pets. Those are always hard to part with, Vicomtesse. Our neighbours should compare notes.

You are such a style maven, OFKAR! Do you ever wake up terrified, thinking you have been stabbed in your sleep?

Wandering Coyote said...

I desperately need Stacy & Clinton, too. I have such a pathetic, boring, shabby wardrobe. I don't know if they have any Canadians on the show, but they should start! Or, we should get our own version!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I remember seeing an episode a few years ago with a fashion victim in Ottawa, so there is hope for us yet, WC. That said, I did break down and shop Mark's Work Warehouse sale today, being the fashion maven that I am.