Thursday, April 14, 2011

Flash Fiction Friday: night bus to the coast

This week's Flash Fiction Friday prompt is a themed wordlist - fist, jab, knuckle, spirit, fighter, rhythm.

Although not a requirement, I tried to embrace the principles of flash fiction by using the wordlist in as brief a narrative as possible, while hopefully still telling a coherent story. I'm not sure how successful I was, but it was fun.

*
Since Regina she had been fixated on the diminishing smudge of light on the horizon, the last echo of daylight. Beyond it lay her destiny.

Cheek pressed against the cool glass, she fought to ignore the persistent jab of conscience. She should have left a note. But as she had stood there in the kitchen, the roll of twenties in her fist, she knew that she could never explain why she was leaving, not really, not so that he would understand.

She never was a fighter. Cut your losses and run was more her style.

As the man in the seat next to her shifted and grumbled in his sleep, she rubbed her knuckle against her temple, trying to loosen the band of anxiety that was once again tightening around her head. It was important that she remain focused, that she maintain her spirit if she was to pull this off.

She concentrated again on the final vestige of light on the horizon and slowed her breathing. Eventually the relentless rhythm of the Greyhound bus churning through the prairie night lulled her to sleep.

13 comments:

leazwell said...

another bouquet - catch.....

Sean Wraight said...

I really hope there is a part two...

This is terrific.

Really terrific.

s

Barbara Bruederlin said...

For me? Thanks, Leazwell!

Thank you, Sean! I hadn't considered it before, but now that you mention it, I am rather curious about what happens when she reaches the coast. (There you go, putting ideas in my head again...)

Flannery Alden said...

Lovely descriptions. You've captured a complete moment. Well done!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Thanks, Flannery. I realized that I couldn't do justice to a boxing story (as you did so masterfully), so I just followed the image that sprang to mind.

Allison said...

I'm with Sean - needs to be a part two. Definitely. Nicely done!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Thanks, Al, I will certainly put this into the to be continued file. With you and Sean ganging up on me, what choice do I have? *grin*

RegCPA5963 said...

clever use of the prompt, and good writing, my active imagination could picture the whole scene and speculate on why she's running and to where!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You're very kind, Reg, thanks. And it helps that you do have an active imagination.

Angie said...

Simply lovely.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Many thanks, Angie!

Joyce said...

This was very well done and a very moving piece. What is she running from and to? This most definitely needs to be continued. I need to know how this all comes out. Terrific piece!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You are too kind, Joyce. I have asked myself those same questions, and may just need to keep writing in order to find an answer.