Monday, March 28, 2011

mama always said get away from the windows

Their median age was 115, I figure. We ended up with the senior one at our door.

I noticed the first batch of Jehovah's Witnesses when the little red car pulled up across the street. For the longest time, nobody emerged, but finally the doors swung open and two ancient women - wool coats, blue rinses - slowly pulled themselves out. The way they clutched the stack of pamphlets to their bosoms was a dead giveaway.

Nobody answered at the first house. I knew they wouldn't, they never do. But I had to give those senior Witnesses credit, they were prepared to wait it out. Finally, after a third press of the doorbell they moved on, shuffling down the sidewalk to the next house.

But before they reached it, a single elderly faithful emerged from the other direction and scooped them.

It was a a tag team of Watchtowers, a collision of Witnesses. ! was hoping to see a throw down, an octogenarian gloves-off no-holds-barred battle for souls. But alas, the original team simply shuffled back to their car, where they sat for a while as they re-evaluated their strategy. In the end they simply drove to the end of the block, turned around and parked on the other side of the street.

I imagine the lone Witness got way more notches on her soul belt today.


Anonymous said...

You know they never give up, keep coming back month after month. They have a system. Even if you say don't come back, they will eventually send another team. They hold courses at their churches to teach them how to work the streets. I got curious once and invited them in, wanted to know their angle. Among other things, they told how their belief that blood tranfusions are wrong apparently led to research that has now given us "fake" blood, or so they say.

Allison said...

A gaggle of them once ripped off the legs on our Darwin fish that was on our door in our apartment in Kingston. I'll never forget my roommate screaming from the balcony, "That's not very Christian!"

Good times, good times.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That's why I don't even answer the door, Leazwell. It's the avoidance technique my mama taught me. Interesting take on the medical research front...

That's certainly NOT very Christian, your roommate was right, Al. But then, letting your kid die for lack of proper medical treatment isn't very Christian either.

L said...

Who knew you had such a rival gang problem in your quiet little neighborhood.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm pretty sure I saw them doing a secret handshake too, Lesley.

Wandering Coyote said...

This sounds like the butt of a good joke...Why did the JWs cross the road, or something like that. This is hilarious - and shows an obvious lack of both imagination and strategic thinking!

@ Allison: LMFAO!!!!!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Don't leave me hanging on the punchline, WC!
But yeah, they were too big on strategy, other than stand in front of the door till someone answers.