Tuesday, February 01, 2011

I guess it's just the wind

I had the oddest experience today. I found myself thinking I should phone my mom, because I hadn't talked to her in a while.

It actually took a few seconds to remember that my mom has been gone for almost two and a half years. How does someone forget something like that?

Toward the end of her life, my mom used to recount conversations that she had with her mother the night before. She also attended a lot of weddings, most nights. It still makes me glad that her dream world was so full.

18 comments:

mellowlee said...

I've done this too. *hugs* She was really lucky to have a wonderful daughter Barb <3

leazwell said...

You are not alone. Actually it's kind of nice to believe even for moment that person is still here.

L said...

I have done this, too. After I snap back, I think maybe the person did want to talk in some way.

bloody awful poetry said...

My mom has done this a few times with relatives who have passed away ,saying that she needs to go over and pass them something or other. It's almost bittersweet when it happens, somehow.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Thanks, Mel. It's a very surreal moment, isn't it?

It was nice, Leazwell, a very comforting feeling.

I didn't consider that, Lesley, that would be rather lovely. I miss those talks.

There's definitely a bittersweet quality to the experience, BAP. I guess they're never really gone, as long as we forget that they are.

kelly said...

About 6 months after my dad died (hard to believe it was 17 years ago now) I was in a mall (Polo Park Mall in Winnipeg) and there was a guy who came out of a store in front of me, I didn't see his face because he turned to walk away from me. He had the same winter coat and hat that my dad would wear. It may have been my imagination but I would have sworn it was the same. He was also the same height and seemed to have the same way of walking. Made me stop in my tracks.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

An experience like that would have just buckled my knees, Kelly. Were you tempted to run after him, to see his face? I know I would have been.

pilgrimchick said...

It must be that someone like your mom is such a big part of your life that it is really difficult to process the loss of that person from your life.

kelly said...

It was so strange, I just stopped and watched him walking away. I think maybe I didn't want to see who he really was

Allison said...

Sometimes that happens with me when I think of my Gran. I still keep her number in my phone, and it's oddly comforting to see it from time to time when I'm scrolling through.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I think you are right, pilgrimchick. I talked to her on the phone almost every day for so many years that it became ingrained in my routine.

I can completely understand that, Kelly. Maintain the mystery.

I still have my mom and the Spousal Unit's mom's addresses in my address book, too, Al. I see no reason to scratch them out.

John Mutford said...

And it happens to me with my grandparents, too.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's seemingly more common than I had realized, John. I'm not completely demented after all!

umbrellalady said...

Your Mom and you had a special connection Barb - I don't know if it was because you were the youngest or just because you are so special and she knew it. I believe those wonderful connections transcend time and place...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That's very sweet of you, Kathy. I always felt badly for living so far away, but it was a great comfort to me that you and Bruno were so close to Mom and cared for her so well.

BeckEye said...

Sometimes I shampoo my hair and right after I rinse it out, I forget if I already did it, or if it's time for conditioner. How do you forget something like THAT?

phlegmfatale said...

The thing I catch myself doing is seeing something in the store and thinking "bertie would love this! I'll buy it for her" and then remembering she's gone. But it's not just the impulse things, either-- I still can't take her off my phone's SIM card. It's strange, as though the number is some strand of connection. I'm glad she had such lovely recollections to revive, too.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I do that too, Beckeye! I guess as long as we don't do that while we're driving...

There is something about removing someone from your phone list or address book that seems far too final, Phlegmmy. What I have found myself doing is just putting a little cross beside their entry.