I suspect we must have sufficiently pissed off our secret twelve days of Christmas ornament sender, for them to finally throw their arms up in frustration and declare us unworthy. The past seven years, a box bearing neither identifying marks nor Gwyneth Paltrow's head has always made its appearance around the end of November.
As you may recall, there was a bit of drama involved with the attempted delivery last year. As a consequence, the twelve days of Christmas will be reduced to seven, evidently. Take a lesson from this, kiddies; if you refuse to pay the postage on a parcel that someone is trying to send you, they will be offended.
Naturally the Offspring and I were delighted to find that there was no shortage of drama in the lineup at Safeway this afternoon. Even though we were trapped in line between the warring parties, not daring to look at one another for fear of losing it, we both agreed that our lives have been enriched by the exchange between the ditzy shopper and the impatience grandmother, who shall be henceforth known as our own personal Hot Slut of the Day.
The Ditzy Shopper did not get off to a good start, there in front of us in the fifteen items or less line. I'm sure she didn't mean any harm, but when she spread the Royal Wedding magazine open on the conveyour belt so that she could read it, she did cause a bit of a cart unloading backup, a fact which I am sure did not go unnoticed by the HSotD grandmother behind us. But she sealed her fate by remembering, as she was paying for her groceries, that she had forgotten to get what she called "school milk" for her son. The grocery bagger went to go fetch it for her, as the line behind us grew.
And grew. And grew. Until finally, HSotD demanded rather loudly what's the holdup here?
My kid needs milk Ditzy told her.
Hot Slut's voice rose, in octave and volume what do you mean, your kid needs milk? Why didn't you buy it when you were shopping?
They went to get me some milk, Ditzy explained, and then tried to defend herself against Hot Slut's deepening glare, I offered to get it! I could have gotten it a lot faster than them.
Hot Slut straightened up and fixed her with a baleful eye, I noticed you reading a magazine there.
Just noticing the way you shop, Hot Slut dismissed her, and then turned to the woman behind her in line and proclaimed, some people have got it and some people haven't!
At this point Ditzy tried to make light of things by offering up lame jokes like I'm wearing heels, I can't shop in them, and when that didn't break the ice, I was born to shop, not to cook.
At this point the cashier, who had earlier disappeared in search of the bagger who had initially gone to fetch the milk, returned and apologized to Ditzy for the delay.
Tell it to the lady who yelled at me, Ditzy told her.
I think the cashier assumed that was me, because when she started ringing my groceries through, she looked up at me and it was just like a deer caught in the headlights. Too bad she didn't know it was actually the best thing that had happened to the Offspring and I all day.
Have you been privy to any good drama lately?