Saturday, April 03, 2010

novocaine to fill the hole

I haven't been writing much lately. I have lots of pictures to show you from the most recent Vancouver mini-break, but my heart just hasn't been in it.

When I returned home from Vancouver, we discovered that Sputnik has cancer. We knew something was wrong. She was continuing to lose weight despite the anal gland expression a month ago, so we knew it was something more than just a sore bum.

And this time, the vet found a mass. Quite large, so obviously it is quite an aggressive growth. Our hearts ache so.

We told the OFKAR yesterday and she is going to try to get home to say goodbye, but the poor kid has a particularly brutal schedule at school right now, with major papers and presentations and then with final exams starting in a couple of weeks. She is going to try to travel home in two weekends from now, but of course nobody knows how long Sputty actually has.

She is so thin, but still quite alert. And she still fixes you with that gaze, that look of intelligence and understanding, that tells you this is a cat that you don't mess with. She sort of sleeps most of the time, but it's a light sleep, not the deep obscenely comfortable sleep that cats are so renowned for.

Today when I returned from grocery shopping, she jumped into the back of the urban assault vehicle, just like she always used to do. And part of me rejoiced and wanted to believe that she was getting stronger, but in my heart I knew this was a last hurrah.

I wish I could help her.

13 comments:

mister anchovy said...

Sorry to hear this news. As you know, we have a lot of love for our furry friends.

Doc said...

That's tough. We just lost our cat of 12 years. Scratch her behind the ears. It is a little comfort for the both of you.

Doc

mellowlee said...

Oh noooo! I'm so sorry Barb. :( *hugs you hard*

Captain Karen said...

Oh jeez Barb, I'm so sorry to hear this. Big brother and family just went through the loss of thier last kitty due to cancer. Like Doc suggested, a scratch behind the ears, a rub of the belly, a zzzzzrbrt to the head - try to make the most of the time you have with your furry little family member.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I am in awe of your household, , with your five cats and two large dogs. Your house must just be bursting with exuberance.

You lost your cat so suddenly and violently too, Doc, that must have been so difficult, especially for the kids.
Much cuddling has been going on here lately.

Thanks, Mel. I need those.

My heart goes out to your brother and family, Karen. I imagine they are seeing their kitty in every shadow right now.
I'm doing lots of hand feeding these days, trying to tempt her with formerly forbidden treats.

umbrellalady said...

We love Sputnik's spunk and independence and how she chooses to socialize only with whom she wants to. Our hugs go to all of you - and an especially big one for Sputy - time to pull out the nap quilt and snuggle down with her.

LesleyG said...

So sorry to read this news, Barb. My heart goes out to all of you. Making her as comfortable as you can and showing her the love you always have is what she needs. Hugs from Colorado.

Allison said...

Hugs from the Boy and I. A scratch and a rub on the belly is all you can really do at the moment. Wish there was something more. You guys are in my thoughts. Hugs. xo

leazwell said...

Gee, tough for old Sputnik, sorry. My cat too has cancer,skin cancer, his chin is rotting away. Until he starts suffering we won't have him put down.
Rebel, Parker, Stretch and I send the best cat nuzzles and rubs ever.

John Mutford said...

I'm sorry to hear this Barb. They do become a part of the family, don't they?

Charlie said...

Aw Barb, that's really the shits. I hate to read posts like this one. I know you'll spend every minute you can with her, letting her know how much all of you love her.

kelly said...

very sorry for you

Barbara Bruederlin said...

She is a fiesty one, isn't she. Kathy. I know I have been on the receiving end of her distain more than once.

She has been getting spoiled rotten recently, Lesley, like the queen she believed herself to be.

She is liking the scratch part a great deal, Al. Thanks for the thoughts.

I did not realise that your cat also has cancer, Leazwell. My heart goes out to you. Sputnik's is located on the intestine.

They are a pretty huge part of the family, John. The offspring barely remembers a time before Sputnik.

She is being well catered to, Charlie. She still likes to spend time outside, so that's positive.

Thanks, Kelly.