Friday, April 09, 2010

into the light

I have pretty much regained control of my lacrimal glands, and the raw pain has transitioned through the heavy aching phase and is starting to settle into sweeter reminiscences. The phantom shadows are being kind.

I am still not able to remove Sputnik's leopard hat from the corner of the living room in which she spent much of her last days; that's still a little too immediate.

I'm also still not able to close the bedroom door completely at night. Like most cats, Sputnik could not tolerate a closed door, so rather than having her scratching at the carpet trying to get in or out, I used to tuck a slipper under the door to hold it open a few inches. The past two nights I have tried closing it all the way, but it just felt so wrong and I had to resort to the slipper trick. Just in case.

Sputnik would have hated the spring blizzard that blew through the area last night. I think she would much rather see these photos of my recent jaunt to Vancouver:

~city of bridges~

~and rather specific regulations~

~and disembodied heads~

~and random strangers huddling on the beach~

~and meeting friends from long long ago~

~and giant cheesy grins~

~and strolling down to the waterfront with friends~

~and a backdrop of blossoms~

~and glorious water, everywhere~

Back in the rain shadow of the Rockies, we're playing music to melt the recent snowstorm.

Pushing Back the Shadows Friday Random Ten:
1. Kamera | Wilco
2. Peek-a-boo | Siouxsie & the Banshees
3. Judas | the Verve
4. So tonight that I might see | Mazzy Star
5. Fat city | Twilight Singers
6. Black water | Watermelon Slim & the Workers
7. Southermost | the Lucksmiths
8. Sorglopur | Sigur Ros
9. Credit | Buzzcocks
10. Swans | Camera Obscura
I like how this starts with a Kamera and ends with a Camera (Obscura).
What's on your Friday random playlist?


Anonymous said...

The snow only came back because it knew Sputty couldn't get it.

Allison said...

Sometimes it's nice to keep a few reminders out. Packing up everything directly after doesn't always give us enough time to heal.

Love your photos! I do enjoy the sideways head in Yaletown, such a perfect photo opt. Great photo of you and the offspring as well, such big grins! The group shot still makes me laugh; everyone looks caught mid sentence and Todd is standing at the back with a perfect grin. :)

LesleyG said...

I need to get back to Vancouver. Heck, I need to do a tour of Canada-- and start in the Rockies, clearly. :)


Anonymous said...

Your daughter's face is loaded with charm and expression but you know that...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's true, Anony, even the weather trembled in the face of her ferocity.

You are right, Al. Sometimes you need to see something that tugs away at the corner of that scab on your heart; you don't want to forget too quickly.
I love that group shot too! It really brings me back to that day. What a great day that was.

Clearly, Lesley! You need to compare your Rockies to mine. And visit me, of course.

I think so too, Leazwell! She is one expressive and charming rascal.

Dale said...

I just read your last few posts, sorry for your loss Barbara. Lovely photos of your Vancouver jaunt.

Todd said...

We had a huge drop in temperature and even snow yesterday here in Toronto - it wasn't the nicest thing to wake up to since it was only last week I was laying on a beach soaking up the warmth of the coming spring/summer.

I passed by that head statue many times and resisted the temptation to take a photo. I now realize that I definitely should have taken a photo - but now I've got yours to add to the collection! :P

kelly said...

the sideways head makes me think of the first page in the book "Stiff" and then my odd dream about spray painting human heads gold and mounting them on my fence post

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Thanks so much, Dale.

I was thinking similar thoughts during our blizzard on Thursday evening, Todd. Cruel country!
You need to take another trip to Vancouver to get that head shot.

Was that the plastic surgeon chapter, Kelly? That was odd, but still not quite as disturbing as your dream!

Wandering Coyote said...

The grieving process will take time, Barb. Don't remove anything until you are totally ready to do so.

Thanks for the pictures!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I agree, WC. The empty spaces are harder to take than the items themselves.

Anonymous said...

Great pix look wonderful. I love the new hair.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Thanks Berni. It was a grand trip.

John Mutford said...

It took me forever to place where I'd first seen that disembodied head. Then I remembered. Didn't know it was in Vancouver, though.

Conky said...

Eva is looking mighty grown up and lovely!!!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Hey, it's the very same disembodied head, John! I think you are actually discouraged from climnbing inside though...

It's amazing what a year away from the parental units will do, Jen.