Thursday, January 28, 2010

near singularity

The dishwasher, which has always required a cautious little dance of precision button-pressing combined with a sort of door-rattling action in order to start, has recently upped the ante. It now insists upon a new and more complex series of button pushes to accompany the door-rattling before it will even consider starting. I fear that a demand for human sacrifice cannot be far away, but I am going to try to contain its thirst for blood to a goat sacrifice or two.

I suspect that the dishwasher has been communicating with the furnace humidifier while our backs have been turned. The steady leak dripping from the soldered join looks suspiciously conspiratorial. Buckets have been recruited.

So far I think the humans are still in charge of the house. I did after all manage to fix the garage door that refused to close this morning. But I am not taking any chances and I plan to leave at least one escape hatch open at all times. You know it's only a matter of time before they rise up and revolt.

9 comments:

John Mutford said...

Earlier this winter, my house also turned on us, with both doors refusing to open and 4 frozen Mutfords without a place to go. Though my house often frequents your house's blog, so I shouldn't be surprised by this latest turn of events.

Maureen said...

My dishwasher and washer both recently spewed water all over the floor....it's a conspiracy!

Jas B said...

Oh no! "The rise of the machines". Br careful with the dishwasher Barb. I still remember how it had hurt your thumb not too long ago!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Nothing like home ownership huh.

Allison said...

Ah! My biggest fear - appliances coming to life.

The Boy wants to get an "voice activated" kitchen. I told him he's welcome to have one on his own. The day a microwave greets me when I walk into a room, that's it. I'm done. ;)

Wandering Coyote said...

Is your dishwasher talking to you in a Hal-like voice?

Here is a great word verification for you: unhatism

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Did your house respond "I'm afraid I can't do that, John", when you demanded that it release the doors? Now,of course, you have given me a whole new level of fear with the thought of not only household appliances, but a whole army of houses rising up to enslave us.

They are going to enlist the toilets next, Maureen. Be very careful!

I think that was when the dishwasher first developed its taste for human blood, Jas. It's been downhill ever since.

We don't own the homes, Dr M, they own us.

I don't like a house that talks back, Al, not one little bit. I know a family whose house says things like "kitchen door is open" and it freaks the shit out of me.

I must bring this concept of unhatism to the appliances, WC. Perhaps we can come to a peaceful understanding after all!

Charlie said...

I often wonder how houses in Europe last for centuries, but 20-25 years in the U.S. and Canada are about tops before they disintegrate.

I agree with Maureen: it's a conspiracy betwixt China, the CIA, and the Homebuiders Association.

GREAT tag, BTW.

kelly said...

had to replace dishwasher last year. But I so like the new super duper quiet one. With an open floorplan the old one made conversation or tv impossible when it was on.

I had to relocate the de-humidifier with the recent garage construction. I remember those prairie days of dry flaky itch skin, static charges so you can zap your little sister. Out here we have wet mouldy windows unless we de-humidify