Wednesday, September 02, 2009

there are powerlines in our bloodlines

Ellen Page was playing cards at the next table.  She looked happy enough at first, but I noticed her crying as her friend went through the security gates.

I too was matter of fact, downright cheery even, all through the visitations and the funeral business and even while sorting through the decades of photographic memories afterward in the dusty apartment.  It wasn't until the departures lounge that I became maudlin, surreptitiously wiping away the tears to avoid showing any weakness with those public displays.  

Damned allergies. They made it hard to deal gracefully with the waves of ... oh I don't even know what it was ... loss obviously, nostalgia certainly for a life that I loved in a former hometown that fit me so perfectly, the sound of the door slowly closing on a page in my life, already missing my dear friend just recently met, and now fearing the overwhelming sense of loss that will be left in the void that the next trip will bring. Anticipatory sorrow is counterproductive and soul-destroying, but I don't know how to avoid it.

Having laid to rest the last parent that the Spousal Unit and I had, we are setting forth on a bittersweet adventure in the morning, bringing our only offspring to university, where she will be handed over to strangers and to her own well of self-reliance.

I know she will shine and I know this is the right thing to do, but the nest will seem unbearably empty.  At least until Thanksgiving.   

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Next week I will share some highlights from both trips. The notable moments and the cast of characters I encountered in London will give me a perma-grin for the rest of my natural life.  Seriously.  Who knows what splendours Vancouver will bring.  

11 comments:

justrun said...

What a corner your lives are turning right now. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know I can't imagine it, but part of me thinks I can imagine that you two are going to have a great time in this new chapter. And I look forward to hearing about it.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I got the CD, many thanks for sending it. Best wishes to all of you during your this trying time and in the good times too. We all love you and your family.

Wandering Coyote said...

Been thinking about you & your family, Barbara. Take good care as you journey & I look forward to hearing from you when you get back and the time is right.

BeckEye said...

All the best to you as you try to get over that hump in the road.

mister anchovy said...

I remember starting University, back when dinosaurs roamed the planet. What a tremendously exciting time for your soon to be non-resident offspring.

Remi said...

You're brave to tackle the photos so soon. My grandmother passed last summer and we still haven't dived into all the photos yet. Perhaps this winter.

Allison said...

I know all these feelings too well this summer. Bittersweet, goodbyes always are. I am quite excited for the RO, and hope to see you around Vancouver. Safe travels!

URBAN BLONDE said...

I was really hoping to see you all before the RO hit the road, one last coffee together with the soon to be Uni student, sniff!

Life happened here too and I've been practically MIA myself since the weekend. Let's slot in some time together when you return over a meal and a glass o' wine or two (or three) and catch up on it all.

Safe journey to all as you venture westward and launch the RO into life on the WetCoast at the institute of higher learning.

HUGS xxxx

bloody awful poetry said...

Just received your Calgary mix in the mail, much gratitudeness for sending it all the way to this neck of the woods. And all the best with your travels and road humps =) I shall feed my ears with Apostle of Hustle and think of you.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Once again I am pleading being too far away from home to answer your comments properly. Something about being holed up in a hotel room and all that being away from home entails prevents me from practicing proper blogosphere etiquette. Forgive me.

Sean Wraight said...

Blogger meetup of the century it was my dear! The Zombie Clan left an indelible stamp on our hearts and speed humps...

Y'all come back soon y'hear... Even the kitty is missing you guys!

s