Tuesday, July 07, 2009

top three miscalculations of the day

1. eyeballing the Visine bottle and deciding that yes, there is definitely one more dose left in there, only to end up with an eyeball full of foam

2. deciding that there is no way that this will take more than an hour

3.
peeing in that little cup at the lab place

Speaking of the lab place, you are not going to believe what new indignities they subject you to there once you turn 50. I don't even want to tell you about it. Why can't they just let us old people die with some dignity intact?


16 comments:

Allison said...

I'm with you on the last one.

Nothing says welcome home like an 8am physical. I'm hoping the holiday portion of my vacation starts soon. ;)

justrun said...

Oy. Peeing in a cup must be the ultimate equalizer, no?

Wandering Coyote said...

Re. #3: I don't want to know! Well, actually, I think I have a pretty good idea...I have a few more years before I have to suffer even more than I already do.

Re. #1: ACK!

BeckEye said...

I bet the trick to the Visine bottle is the same as for my contact solution. You have to hold it completely upside down (not over your eye) and squeeze it hard. Nothing (or bubbles) will come out. Then you'll hear it making that sucking noise and before the bottle un-kinks itself all the way, then you squeeze it. Drops magically come out!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

8AM physicals are the height of holiday fun, Al! I went to the lab place at 8AM this morning only to find it doesn't exist anymore, so had to drive around, coffeeless, till I found the new location.

I'm suspecting not so much equalization between men and women on that, though, Justrun, but certainly among us females, there is no graceful way to pull that off and we all look equally klutzy.

I'm going to let you remain in the dark, Wandering Coyote, so you can enjoy the time you have left.

I'm going to dig that so-called empty Visine bottle out of the garbage and try your trick, Beckeye. Definitely worth a shot! What's the worst that could happen?

kelly said...

peeing in a cup...nothing to it. Fortunately us guys can aim easier,,,speaking of indignities....after turning 40and going to the doc...i was very glad she has small fingers

Sean Wraight said...

Barb,

Sorry to hear you had a rough day today but kudos to you for even being able to use Visine. I tell you, every time I use the stuff if any of it actually gets in my eye I'm lucky...

Yes this getting old stuff truly is for the birds. I feel your pain!

s

Doc said...

"Why can't they just let us old people die with some dignity intact?"

Because the is no money or humor in that!

Doc

umbrellalady said...

As far as indignities go in regards to aging - You ain't seen nothing yet, baby! Brace yourself...lol

Remi said...

Indignities are not age specific. Last time I was in the hospital I was stuck in bed for a while. Urinating in a cup when you're upright is one thing. Urinating in a jar when you're flat on your back is much more challenging.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You're pretty proud of your cup-peeing abilities, aren't you, Kelly. We take our victories where we find them, I guess.
Keep your small fingered doctor as long as you can.

The trick is not blinking until AFTER the drops hit your eyeballs, Sean. Sheesh, do I need to come over there and show you?
It actually wasn't a bad day at all, I was just complaining for the fun of it.

I have to admit, elderly infirmity is pretty lucrative and hilarious, Doc. Walkers, especially. Canes aren't bad either.

I've been taking lessons from David Bowie, Kathy, and am about ready to begin reversing the aging process ... NOW!

Oh yeah, all that physics and gravity and stuff really comes into play in that situation, Remi. My hat's off to you on that trick.

~Jen~ said...

i get a great amount of shock and amazement when i pee in a cup at the lab bc it doesnt seem like any is getting in and then as you pull up your pee drenched hand your cup IS actually full!!!!!

AMAZING!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's so true, Jen! Especially the pee-drenched hand part. Yuck, much hand washing ensues.

Charlie said...

Peeing in a cup has always been a tricky proposition for me. I either sit there for half an hour because I'm dry as a bone, or it's Niagara Falls.

And the cups: some are decently large, but the cheap labs use the single shotglass size (especially when I'm in Niagara Falls mode).

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Single shot glass size pee cup. The imagery causes the mind to boggle, Charlie. Thank you for that.

Gifted Typist said...

Well, at least the Visine bottle didn't have sulfuric acid foam in it!