Friday, July 03, 2009

they'll hang flags from cranes

Me: Hey, Mike Holmes is going to be parade marshal for the Calgary Stampede this year.

Spousal Unit: We should get him over for a barbeque!

It's his response to everything. But it's actually not such a bad idea, provided Mike brings his tool belt, as we have loads of stuff to keep him from getting bored while the steaks grill.

Personally I am steering clear of the Stampede grounds. There is nothing for me there, except skin cancer, heat stroke, and loads of
sweaty, drunk, and possibly barfing people. Even the Super Dogs show can't drag me down there, as I just cannot handle that annoying MC any longer, regardless of how cute and talented the dogs are. He wasn't funny when he told those same jokes on the Ark and he isn't funny now.

Besides, I will be far too busy preparing for my niece's wedding. I am actually going to be performing the ceremony and I have my Manitoba Marriage Commissioner certificate and everything. It seems wasteful to only use it once, so if you were thinking of getting hitched to your honey-bun, you should swing by and I will get the job done for you. It's only good for one day though, so act quickly.

But I have a dilemma. Such a momentous occasion requires suitable attire, for which I am going shopping today. Should I go for the white Elvis suit or the Xena Warrior Princess gear? I'm sort of partial to the metal breastplates, but maybe they are too much?

I desperately need your fashion advice, dear readers.

23 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Xena! Go the Xena route!

Wandering Coyote said...

Definitely Zena. You just cannot beat Zena. Elvis is so...cliche...

Westcoast Walker said...

I think you should go the fusion route - wide bell bottoms with the metal breast plates - have the best of both worlds!

umbrellalady said...

Barb - you could wear a black plastic bag and still look lovely, although I am partial to the Zena/warrior princess look...It does make a good strong female statement of sorts...lol

Charlie said...

The Elvis wedding is by far the most popular in Las Vegas, so I'd do Wonder Woman—IMO, Xena always seemed too sweaty and badly in need of a bath.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm leaning that way, Dr M. How often do I get a chance to don metal breastplates, after all?

Good point, Wandering Coyote, I need to avoid any more cliche in my life than is already there.

Ooooh, sort of an ABBA meets Conan the Barbarian look, Westcoast Walker. I like that.

You are such a liar, Kathy, and I appreciate that! I agree that it is important to portray right degree of authority for the exalted position I will hold.

I never thought of it before, but you are completely right, Charlie. Xena was always a bit grubby and sort of greasy. Might be a bit much for a wedding.

mellowlee said...

Totally go with the Xena outfit. I love saying "Xena Warrior Princess" fun! One day I will make it to Stampede and try out the deep fried cola :) I can just imagine you guys have a backyard BBQ with the Mike; awesome! X's

cruel kelly said...

do Elvis, I have no fantasies about Elvis...Xena on the other hand.....and I want to keep those intact

Barbara Bruederlin said...

One day, when you make it out here to Stampede, I will even leave the burbs to attend with you, Mel, that's how momentous the occasion will be. Can't guarantee we'll have any celebs in the backyard for you to hang with, but we don't need any when we have you.

Are you saying I am not adequate fantasy material, Kelly? Much as I agree with you, I am still mildly insulted.

URBAN BLONDE said...

Well my Most Reverend Zombie, me thinks a lovely black official looking mosquito proof Snuggie for the ceremony that you whip off at the reception to reveal your Zena inspired breast plated mini dress to showcase those lovely gams when your table top dancing continues into the wee small hours.


*Seriously tho' if you ever want to go shopping I'm game!

mellowlee said...

I wuj you Barb :O) I hope you have a splendid weekend. 5 or 6 more hours and I shall be giving Allison a great big HUG!

Sean Wraight said...

Howdy Barbner,

Is there a talent/ability that you do not possess Barb? In keeping with your superhuman powers I think the Xena costume would be the way to go though for the ceremony. (Wear the beer cap on your eye too!)

I'm curious though... Do your papers come with any other special rights and priveleges? Surely you can renew my drivers license or something. I have to find a way to exploit this somehow! ;)

s

P.S. So are you guys really obligated to wear a cowboy hat for the week?

kelly said...

I knew what I was saying was slightly dangerous....but nobody other than Xena can be Xena...and you wouldn't want to ruin it for me would you?

I do apologize for the insult but....desperate action was required

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I do have the dress now, Urban Blonde, two in fact, so I am set in that department. I really need different shoes, though, so perhaps a shopping expedition is in order yet. Hey, any excuse to get together with you! And I promise to stay off the tables.

You and Al give each other an enormous hug for me, will you, Mel? I miss you both!

I never thought of a beer cap eyepiece with the Xena outfit, Sean. That's brilliant, and will give me that pirate-ish look that most marriage commissioners are lacking.
Although I am not entirely sure what other powers this office bestows upon me, I figure we can just keep trying them out until they stop us - driver's licenses, private investigator's paper, the Royal Canadian Mint ...
Gah! Don't get me started on the cowboy hat business! It's so sad ze themselves into those Levis for 10 days every summer.

You are cute when you are back-pedalling like that, trying not to offend, Kelly.

~Jen~ said...

ELVIS!!

Jas Bhambra said...

Zena it should be, Barb! :)

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You are the sole Elvis voice in the the crowd, Jen. Well, you and Kelly, but he has ulterior motives.

Looks like Xena's the way we are going, Jas. Who am I to fight public opinion?

Gifted Typist said...

went to the stampede once, almost drowned in testosterone.

As for Mr. Holmes ,he's a good guy I;m sure but faaarrrr to earnest, he should lighten up a bit... maybe he will for the parade

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Oh yeah, they sell testosterone by the bottleful there, Gifted. I didn't watch the parade as I hate them, but I understand Mr Holmes refused to be drawn into the calf roping controversy, which was wise.

Anonymous said...

Barb, are you planning a dress switcheroo during the festivities?
Now you also have me looking forward to seeing your footwear!
Be seeing you soon!
Berni

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I have to decide which dress to wear now, Berni. I'd love to wear the polka dots but am not sure if that is officious enough. They're more the Betty Boop polka dots than the Hutterite polka dots.

Shoes were found yesterday! Yay me!

Anonymous said...

I love polka dots! Also love the name...where did THAT come from? I am picturing a roomful of babas dancing!
Can't wait to see you three.
Berni

Barbara Bruederlin said...

A roomful of babas dancing! Oh Berni, I'm not going to get that image out of my head in a hurry!

I think I will bring both dresses along and decide at the last second. Or maybe I should take pictures and let the internet decide, as they are so good at doing.