Friday, June 12, 2009

cause you're making me sweat like a dog in a car

Somewhere in the house there are about 12 tubes of Krazy Glue, each with about three drops taken from it. When my favourite sunglasses broke the other day, I considered getting out the electrical tape and rocking the Hanson Brothers look for a while, or maybe blowing ten bucks on another pair of quality sunglasses, or possibly ransacking the house for one of those elusive tubes of glue.

Long story short, we now have 13 tubes of Krazy Glue in our collection. Here in cataract country, letting your eyeballs go naked into the world is not an option.

Optical issues aside, I am feeling rather listy today. It is a Friday after all, time to indulge a little.

A long overdue trip to the library this week netted me some new cds. No books as I have a basket beside my bed overflowing with must-reads. CDs though, there's always room for a few more of those.

Bad Tempered Zombie's Top Five CDs borrowed from the library this week:
~ Hold On Now, Youngster | Los Campesinos!
~ Glory Hope Mountain | The Acorn
~ Mission Control | The Whigs
~ Lookout Mountain Lookout Sea | Silver Jews
~ Strawberry Jam | Animal Collective

But really, what's a cd without a few keyword searches to keep it company?

Bad Tempered Zombie's Top Five recent keyword searches what brung you here:
~ i have a bladder like pee or peeing or peed or pees
~ what happens if you don't have ink to print out a ticket for disneyland
~ sexy dirty teddy bears
~ trimming beard indie neck line
~ female camel toe cranking and flooding old cars

Got any lists in you that are just busting to get out?

Have a fabulous Friday, you sexy beasts.
Get your freak on a bit tonight, while the freak getting is good.


Charlie said...

"sexy dirty teddy bears"

*pant pant pant* Is it hot in here? I suddenly feel . . . tumescent.

And personally, I think duct tape works wonders on cheap sunglasses.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You top my list of western Canadian babes.

Allison said...

"what happens if you don't have ink to print out a ticket for disneyland"

oh dear god, that is awesome.

i think mickey comes and escorts you out of line and sends you over to the pirates for punishment.

Anonymous said...

I suggested duct tape last night when the cheap rocker broke but I said you must get white, they have white surely.

Wandering Coyote said...

OH MY GOD. You have the best search terms evah! I especially love the first two.

I notice whenever Kelly Ellard is in the news I get tons of searches for "kelly ellard nude." There are some sick f*ckers out there.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

A disturbingly large percentage of keyword searches that find me seem to have a sexual obsession with teddy bears, Charlie, so evidently you are not the only one upon whom tumescence is bestowed at the thought.
I agree that duct tape on cheap sunglasses has a certain rakish quality. If this one drop of Krazy Glue fails, I am going for that look instead.

Evidently it's quite a short list, Dr M. But I love it when you lie to me.

Thank god they don't have clowns at Disneyland, Al. At least all the pirates can do is kill you or maim you with those hooks, the clowns will haunt your dreams for eternity.
I love those searches that start so conversationally, don't you?

Absolutely, Leazwell,duct tape can cure anything. And they make all kinds of colours now, so you don't have to rock the spaceship look anymore if you don't want to.

Those first two are my favourites as well, Wandering Coyote. I am particularly curious as to exactly what person A was looking for.
Unfortunately, I sometimes forget that the internet is not all LOLcats and music, but that truly sick fuckers inhabit this space as well.

BeckEye said...


what happens if you don't have ink to print out a ticket for disneyland


Barbara Bruederlin said...

Unimaginably horrible, Beckeye, we dare not even speak the words. But that will be the last time that person has no ink, I can assure you.

kelly said...

i use to buy those el-chepo $10 sunglasses and would go through 2-3 pairs a year and not be happy with the quality. I then broke down and bought a really nice pair of serengetti ones. I actually take care of them..and they've been with me for 4 years. And I'm looking through glass and not foggy plastic lenses.

I think I'm gonna go search sexy dirty teddy bears and see what pops up

S.M. Elliott said...

Those searches are HILARIOUS. The best ones I've had are "mentally ill people who stalk others to feed their low self-esteem and hate", "camel syphilis", "camels cause AIDS", "hazards of eating camel flesh by man", and "the whys and wherefores of thermal heating".

Barbara Bruederlin said...

See how many times you end up back here with that keyword search, Kelly.
These days everything is like looking through cheap foggy plastic lenses for me, so I think good glasses would be wasted on me.

I'm never sure whether to be more amazed at some of the things people want to know, or how they hell google assumed that I would know the answers, SME.

Gifted Typist said...

female camel toe

That always makes me giggle.

The wickedly funny Kathy Lette used to call that Front Bum

Barbara Bruederlin said...

front bum! But that is quite brilliant in its simplicity, Gifted. I rather love it.

Johnny Yen said...

Somewhere in the house there are about 12 tubes of Krazy Glue, each with about three drops taken from it.

I have only three similar tubes, and they're all in the same drawer. I feel much better about my life...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

So glad I could be of service, Johnny Yen, if only by comparison!