Friday, January 02, 2009

guess who went shopping today?

I think my lips might just make it through the winter after all.

Bad Tempered Zombie's Top Five Predictions for 2009:

1.
Steve Martin will continue to believe that he is the reincarnation of Peter Sellers.
2.
A celebrity will die, people will be shocked.
3. Chad VanGaalen's Soft Airplane will be shortlisted for a Polaris Prize but will lose because the vote will be split.
4. Blistex will be declared hazardous to your health and my lips will shrivel up and die, and I will want to join them.
5. My neighbourhood Safeway will continue its downhill slide until it is nothing more than a glorified 7-11.

What earth-shattering events do you foresee this year?

20 comments:

Todd said...

John Travolta's son just died - does that count? Because I for one am SHOCKED! OK, no I'm not.

Are all of those boxes of blistex yours?? If so, it looks like your lips are all set for the next 3-5 years! :)

I predict some upheaval in the Canadian government, but people will still rather read about Sarah Palin's daughter having a baby.

I predict that gas prices will drop into the 50-60 cent range before skyrocketing back up closer to a dollar, at which point Canadians will get fed up and revolt - 2010 - the year of the electric car - watch for it. ;)

I predict that President Bush will release a tell-all book, where there will be a spelling mistake on the front cover.

Wandering Coyote said...

But which celebrity??

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I forsee a tall black man making many changes in the USA. And I forsee Canadian women getting hotter than they are now.

Allison said...

Hahaha! I'm laughing at Todd's comment on President Bush.

I predict we will get more snow. And that we will complain about the weather.

I predict that the word verification will start listing phrases in cockney rhyming slang.

Remi said...

1. Some star will get pregnant. Cue endless series of cover shots and interviews where said star talks as though she was only person to ever get pregnant.

2. Tom Cruise will continue downward slide from amusingly stony to mildly annoying to outright creepy. As Mork used to say, "Nanu-nanu!".

3. Some star will go to rehab.

4. Some band will reunite for one last go round with ridiculously overpriced tickets. Until the next last go round.

5. The Leafs will show that they are not just mediocre, they are consistently mediocre, the only thing they've been good at for the last 40 years.

Time to put the crystal ball away.

Captain Karen said...

Todd's comment on Bush? Hilarious but is the most likely prediction to come true!

Blistex is a gift from the gods. If they take it away from us...that will be the spark of the revolution.

BeckEye said...

I predict that Bret Michaels will find plenty of lust on his newly formatted show (tour bus!), but no actual love.

justrun said...

Ugh, who mentioned Bret Michaels? Now I have to go rinse out my eyes and scrub my brain, with peroxide.

I predict we will, in fact, be less than amused by celebrity as time passes. Or maybe that's more a prayer than a prediction.

John Mutford said...

I predict:

1. Guns N' Roses will finally release Chinese Democracy. (What? They did? Who the hell knew?)

2. An actress will have celulite and expose it while at the beach.

3. An actress will be too skinny and expose it at the Oscars.

4. The conservatives, liberals, new democrats, bloc, green party, marijuana party, communist party, Mormon party, porn-star party, and the Grand Theft Auto Enthusiasts Party will form a super-coalition.

5. A newspaper reviewer will remark that blog reviews are irrelevant and poorly written.

6. Barbara bruederlin will have Thom Yorke's baby. It'll have a chapped lips and red pants.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Actually that is rather shocking about John Travolta's son, Todd, and this forecaster did not see that coming.
I do have to share that Blistex with the Zombie family, so it'll only last a few months. They are Blistex-pigs!
I think you are bang on about the W book, and I would buy it too.

I can't divulge that yet, Wandering Coyote, but I will let you know when it happens.

And those hot Canadian women will owe it all to Blistex, Dr M.

Cockney rhyming slang vw would be awesome, Al. Have you ever read Borstal Boy? There's a dictionary of Cockney rhyming slang at the back. Very cool.

Good predictions, Remi! I predict that said pregnant celeb will first spend about 4 months denying said pregnancy, while the tabloids continue to use that uber-annoying phrase "baby bump".

The end of Blistex would bring about the Rapture, Karen, and I am not ready for that.

And Tour Bus will be followed up by an incredibly successful series, Who Wants to Date a Groupie? I predict that will force Beckeye to finally get rid of her tv.

Or perhaps the amusement at celebrity will be more in the nature of tolerance that one would afford a child than the current admiration, Justrun.

Oh the poor baby! No doubt it will also inherit its dad's wonky eye and its mother's cataracts.
I have to admit I am shocked that the Rhinoceros Party won't be staging a comeback to participate in the super-coalition, John.

John Mutford said...

They need someone to run against.

Danny Tagalog said...

Barbara,

One high school I work at in Japan have uniformed cops, and in the new premises have TVs that, I guess, could be cameras in all but name.

Why do schools in Japan and Canada suddenly have uniformed cops in schools? Two different cultures...

Danny Tagalog said...

Dead celebrity might be Amy Winehouse...:( Love her too ...

Danny Tagalog said...

So, will you write about David Byrne then before the concert? He's one I've always wanted to see ...

mischell said...

Yeah, but it's gotta be the Blistex in the little squeezie tubes - those stick ones that look like ChapStick are alien imposters.

I predict it'll snow more in Calgary before January ends. How'd I do? :)

Mommy said...

The Chinese version of Dora the Explorer will rule the world. Or Toddler Television at least. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ni_Hao,_Kai-Lan

Barbara Bruederlin said...

And a mighty force the Rhinos will be too, John, with all their funding.

It's the defensive mentality around here, Danny, the idea that any problem can be solved by strongarming the hell out of it.
Amy Winehouse could very easily be this year's dead celeb, you are right. Not that it will shock too many people.
I keep forgetting that I am going to be seeing David Byrne - what a legend. I'll certainly review the concert.

Oh yeah, gotta be the squeezy tube type, Michelle, I don't know why people even bother with stick stuff - that's like putting wax on your lips. Where's the fun in that.
Give us a break on the snow predictions! We've already had 3X the normal amount!

That, actually, could very well happen, Mommy. Good call, that!

Gifted Typist said...

I predict that shares in Blistex will rise and they will rebrand to Bliss-tex.

Safeway will rebrand to Unsafeway.

Celebrity itself will die

The Starvation-chic look will also die because all its models will expire from organ failure or cardiac arrest

A dogmatic, arrogant, hypocritical Calgarian politician with a stay-press hair-do will be booted out, probably through rebellion in his own divided ranks. This will lead to his party splitting apart. Again. He will assume the Bush-like accolade as the worst leader his country has ever seen.
And an unassuming typist in another part of the country will shout "hooray!"

A zombie blogger will wax rhapsodic about a musician named Thom.

And we will all return to this blog for laughter and musing.

Sean Wraight said...

After hearing your brilliant testimonial to Blistex late last year I decided to give it a try. It is indeed the crack cocaine of lip care products. Of course everyone tells me I smell like a teenage girl now~ It's the cherry scent I think... Great, great stuff for us rough lipped Canadians though.

Excellent prognostications there on your part! I think Chad just might pull off the Polaris win. Of course we need to get you and your journalistic "bsd" cred on the selection committee!

Happy 2009!
Sean

Barbara Bruederlin said...

A dogmatic, arrogant, hypocritical Calgarian politician with a stay-press hair-do will be booted out, probably through rebellion in his own divided ranks. This will lead to his party splitting apart. Again. He will assume the Bush-like accolade as the worst leader his country has ever seen.
And an unassuming typist in another part of the country will shout "hooray!"
- every typist in the land will be shouting along with you, Gifted! That will be a glorious moment.
But do you really think that there is a zombie blogger somewhere who will take incessantly about a musician named Thom? How odd.

I am pretty sure there are many wannabe bsd rock journalists who would love to get on that Polaris jury, Sean, but thanks loads for the vote of confidence.
I have never tried the cherry Blistex! You trailblazer, you!