Friday, October 17, 2008

please excuse the Zombie's absence from class

Don't you wish that life came with a safe word, that you could call out if things got too scary, and you could stop everything for a while? Sadly, life is so much tougher than just a rough sex romp.

I realise I have been scarce around these parts this week, but rest assured that I am starting to resurface, and I do have some things waiting in the blog hopper that I want to tell you about.

Like the Gogol Bordello concert. Short review - it was crazy. Details on the way.

I do have time to brag about my brilliant career, though. The fierce and fabulous Ms Jen, who writes a sassy no-holds-barred gossip column as a regular contributor to B.C. Musician Magazine, recommended me to her editor recently. I am happy to report that my first article will be coming out in the November issue. And I have been asked to submit something for the December one as well.

Being an outsider, I had to find something that an Albertan (albeit a somewhat reluctant one) could talk about that would resonate with BC musicians. Fortunately for me, it's becoming increasingly difficult for Canadian bands to get work visas to play in the US, so a lot of them are choosing to travel to Alberta instead. Instant angle for me!

I approached the Vancouver band, Portico, whom I had seen open for Chad VanGaalen during the Sled Island Festival and they were gracious enough to answer my lame questions about the rigours of touring, give me some horror stories about driving over those damn Rockies, and tell me their perspective on whether the recent opening of all kinds of unconventional concert spaces in Calgary actually benefits BC bands.

It was great fun to write, and think I am finally doing something that I really really love. I'm also really excited about the idea I have for my December article. But I can't tell you about that yet.

This being a Friday, though, we need a list, I think.

Top Five Things That I Know For Sure:

1. A proper house number should have 3 digits.
Anything less than 2 or greater than 4 is an abomination.

2. Dachshunds have the most expressive faces of all dog breeds, except perhaps for my niece's dog who has the most worried-looking eyebrows I have ever seen.

3. 8:00 am is the perfect sleeping in time for the weekend.

4. If the newspaper is more than 4 days old, you no longer have to read it.
You never have to read the sports section.

5. You should be able to claim pedicures on your health benefits, if not through medicare. Because everything rests on your feet.

May your world feel safe and cozy this weekend.
And may all your truths be irrefutable.

21 comments:

mister anchovy said...

I bet a Gogol Bordello show would be great fun!

Bubs said...

Ah, you saw Gogol! We saw them in March, it was one of the best shows I've ever been to. Have you seen the movie Everything is Illuminated? Eugene Hutz has a great part in it.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Good for you. Now readers of the fine magazine will know and love you like we all do.

Captain Karen said...

So much to cover in one comment!

Gogol Bordello - Big Brother and his wife went to see them here in E-Town the same night the Admiral and I went to World Cup soccer. He said it was wicked.

Congrats to you on the writing gig. Isn't it amazing how things work out? I'm sure you're going to be brilliant!!!

The sports section, front page, horoscopes, entertainment and comics are the best part of the paper.

Amen for pedicures...I completely agree.

And all this talk of safe words and sex romps have caused images I never thought I'd have float through my brain. Let's just leave it at that and not discuss the details.

Allison said...

I'm glad to hear that the writing is going so well. Handclaps to you my friend!

I agree with everything on your list, I'm smiling as my old house number in England was 18.3 and wondering where that fits in?

Happy weekend!

phlegmfatale said...

I agree about the dachsies' expressive faces - My chiweenie Chuy has the best catalog of expression of all my dogs, so far. But mostly, he just looks worried. He only has about 6 nickames, already, and I've only had him 3 weeks. best one so far: Chu Man Foo.

wiener dogs rawk!

Yeah, i'm in accord about the safe word for when life goes rodeo. Congrags on the writing gig - sbout time!

URBAN BLONDE said...

1. As someone with 5 house numbers I have to agree. Especially living like we do in a community that has the word lake in every street address. My address (and I suspect yours) takes up nearly 2 lines on forms.

2. I have to disagree on this one as I believe Evil Poodle Puppy has the most expressive face of any dog on the planet. Case in point the picture I have on my blog page.

3. 8:00 is also the perfect time for sleeping in on weekdays.

4. There's a sports section in the newspaper?

5. Not only pedicures but a regular manicure too. My ragged cuticles made me type that.

And as to your status as a lazy, unemployed bastard well you have a long way to go until you reach my standards. And if you keep doing amazing things like writing for magazines you may never find yourself at my level.

John Mutford said...

Music journalist. Suits you, I must say.

8:00? You need to work on your sleeping in skills.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

A Gogol Bordello show is one of the craziest sights you'll ever see, Mister Anchovy!

Everything is Illuminated is such a good movie, isn't it, Bubs? And you are right, the role that Hutz plays is infinitely quotable. I agree that Gogol Bordello is one of the best live shows I have seen.

Awwwww, that's so sweet, Dr M. I hope that they like my drivel.

I wonder which would be crazier - a Gogol Bordello concert or a world cup soccer match? Sounds like you both saw what you wanted though, Karen.
I promise to never introduce unbidden images into your head again.

Ah yes, # 18.3. Well, I do make exceptions for spectacularly awesome Hogswart addresses, Al. That one is in a class of its own.
Happy to accept the handclaps. I hope I haven't jinxed myself.

Chu Man Foo - that's priceless, Phlegmmy! Sounds like your puppies are too much fun. They are particularly good for those times when life does not give you a do-over.

I am fortunate to be blessed with the aforementioned proper 3 digit house number, Urban, but even so with all the lakes in front of street names, yes the address spaces are never long enough for mine.
I do concur. That picture you have up of EPP is about as expressive as a dog can get. He looks like he's flying!
I shall have to try harder with my LUB efforts. Damn this puritan work ethic anyway!

I know, I suck at sleeping in, John. Ten years from now I will be one of those blue-hairs eating supper at 4:00 too.
Music journalist - well that might be stretching things, but it does sound ballin.

bloody awful poetry said...

A writing gig! Dude that is the SHYZZ! Congratulations! Is there any way I could read your articles online or something?

And I agree with you on the house numbers thing. More than 4, especially, is just obscene.

And you're going to see Chad van Gaaaaaaaaalen on my birthday! More proof my awesomeness, there.

Deb said...

Great news on the writing gig - how perfect for you!

My house number sucks...it sounds like I'm calling Bingo or something.

~Jen~ said...

:) you're an asset to any magazine lady...plus you are PERFECT FOR IT!
i am looking fwd to your article!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I shall be certain to ask my bff Chad if he will sing happy birthday to you at the concert, BAP. Tis the least I can do.
And I will certainly post a link to the online version of the magazine once it's published.

hahaha it does, Deb! You do have an odd house number, no question.

Awwwwwww, Jen, you are too sweet and are going to give me a swollen head and then what are you going to do?
I am thrilled to be called your magazine-mate. Which is not at all like a playmate.

Beth said...

How brilliant that you'll be writing for BC Musician Magazine! I think you're going to be our generation's Chuck Klosterman.

BeckEye said...

Ohhhh, #3 made me laugh my sleeping-in-til-at-least-noon ass off.

I agree with the house number thing. I always notice that especially in California and Texas, people have crazy 5 digit house numbers. I'm kind of anal about license plates too. They should all be 3 letters and 3 numbers. 3 numbers and 3 letters is acceptable too, but everything else is just wrong.

justacoolcat said...

Congrats on the new writing gig. I have big expectations.

Gifted Typist said...

Congrats on the writing gig. That sounds like a great angle - I hope you will be linking from here.

Signed
person with 4 #s in house address

mellowlee said...

I wish life came with an "Easy Button" like in those ads. I hope all's well xo

Westcoast Walker said...

I want my own personal film score (one that I can shut off at will of course) so when I head into one of those awful meetings at work I can duck and cover when the music starts to pick up!

A rather eloquent post by the way!

Dale said...

Congratulations on your good news!! That's excellent. You can start there and then take over the world as you should!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

And here I always figured I would be the Brett Anderson of our generation, Beth, but thanks loads for the props.

I'm with you on the license plate thing, Beckeye, and vanity plates are grounds for execution as far as I am concerned.
Noon, though? *shaking head in disbelief*

What a coincidence, JustA, I have big apprehensions!

I will be linking from here, Gifted, following along the lines of your fine weekly columns.
Four digits in your house number we will let go, but you had better stop at that.

It always looks so much easier on tv, Mel. We'll be okay, I hope you're doing alright too.

I always thought I did have my own personal score, Westcoast. At least in my mind I do, but it would be so much better if others could hear it too.
Great way to deal with meetings, though.

Thanks, Dale, although to be honest, it would be a whole lot easier to take over the world if Korean Bagel Lady was my wing man.