Tuesday, August 12, 2008

practicing for the circus

Today I ripped apart the equivalent of two phones books with my bare hands.

It was just a few sheets at a time, but it was still rather grueling on the hands, truth be told. Not to mention
time consuming.

It was the final step in purging the lab of all the paperwork left behind by the old emperor, which was left to me to deal with. This was on top of the 12 boxes that I arranged to have shredded when some old filing cabinets of his (full) turned up in a hallway.

So on top of the additional 6 boxes that were going to confidential shredding services, there were these two phone books worth of papers that were too sensitive to be recycled and whose regulatory retention periods were not yet passed. I should point out that I don't have access to a shredder.

Enter the human shredder who made hamster bedding out of that mess of papers! It may be years before I am properly able to open a jar of jam again

Number of stinking days of work left at that place in my entire life = 2

Flight of the Conchords are a couple of weird sumbotches.



Hmmm wouldn't a match have been much faster?

I can just picture the sprinkler system going off, campus security called, the new emperor crying in his soggy latte, you being frog marched out the door....

maybe save that for the last day.

Gifted Typist said...

Yes, I agree with UB. Shredders are for drama queens and you are definitely one.
Yes those kiwis are pretty weird dudes but funny

Anonymous said...

Setting the office ablaze would have been a pretty great way to go. If you have to leave, do it in style!

For reals, though: ripping up paper is a seriously difficult task! You never really realize how much muscle power it takes until there is none left. Ouch. Hope those hands are back to normal ASAP.

Allison said...

I hope you didn't suffer and papercuts on top of the task. My hands are sore just thinking about it. Shredders are your friends, I believe. At least in my house, where everyone has arthritis.

bloody awful poetry said...

I get papercuts just reading the newspaper. I cannot imagine the horror of having to RIP one apart!
Hope your hands feel better.

Also that one Canadian diver in the Olympics is really quite enjoyable to look at, but I keep forgetting his name.

Anonymous said...

Hi Barb, I ache for your poor hands!Does this mean you are getting a hamster? speaking of which, my Korean TA asked me today if ham comes from hamsters! I think he was joshing me.

John Mutford said...

FOTC's Rock. I've scoured YouTube for their videos and my favourites keep changing (though if you haven't seen them, I'd place The Hiphopapotamus Vs The Rhymnocerous, Business Time, and Feux de Fa Fa, amongst my all-time favourites-- go watch now!)

Oh and did you read this quote from Canadian fencer Schalm regarding her Olympic loss..."It's like I imagine being a man, it's like being kicked in the nuts repeatedly, that's how bad it feels, you feel like you want to curl up and die."

God I love losing with grace. Or honesty. Actually, honesty's much funnier.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

We'd have to send a camera crew around for the final day then, Urban Blonde, as that is the sort of thing you want to be able to watch again and again.

I'm a drama queen? Well, I guess I do carry some recessive drama queen genes, Gifted.
FOTC are pretty hilarious!

The paws seem to have recovered overnight, Ruh, thanks. But yeah, paper is tough! Did you see the Myth Busters? episode where they tried to fold a piece of paper more than 7 times? Amazing.

Amazing not a single paper cut, Al, although usually I get cardboard cuts (ie 10000x times worse) when handling file folders.

One of the divers that didn't get a medal, BAP? Sigh. But yes, summer olympics are good for buff boys in bathing suits.

Not planning to get a hamster at this point, Berni, but if I ever do, I am ready with the bedding! Did you tell your TA that hamsters were little hams?

Oh yeah, she was pissed off at the entire world, wasn't she, John? I love a good rant on international media.
I have heard some FOTC songs, but am lacking in any video watching. I shall correct this oversight post haste.

mellowlee said...

Ah, your poor digits! I hope your last two days there are much better

justacoolcat said...

Screw that place. You should have just set those papers on fire.

I like Flight of the Conchords.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I really didn't mind ripping up all those papers, Mel. It was rather therapeutic. One day left now!

I would have, but I never even thought to bring in marshmallows, JustA, and there's no point in building a fire without marshmallows.
FOTC are funny as hell!

Todd said...

I am in the process of moving, and the other night I took it upon myself to rip up a lot of old files - some bills, some old projects - all things that were needlessly taking up space.

The act of ripping everything up was oddly therapeutic.

Also, I must tune into your blog more often, as I have been away from the blogging world for a little while - no longer at your job?! [I must go back and read earlier posts to solve this mystery. :P]

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's great to see you back on the blogs, Todd. Yes, there have been changes at work and my job is being eliminated at the end of August. Opportunity time!

There is definitely something visceral about shredding old papers with your bare hands. Vanquishing the enemy or something.

Best of luck with your move.