Friday, June 13, 2008

if it's not woodpeckers eating your house, it's blue jays trying to murder you

I have a troubled relationship with birds apparently. It's a predisposition I share with my cat.

Recently the insane blue jay who hangs around our yard has gone beyond stalking the cat when she's outside and has taken to peering into our windows in a threatening manner.

This morning, the Spousal Unit opened the blinds in the office and was startled to see the homicidal blue jay looking in at him, giving him the evil eye. And a few minutes later, I heard some irate squawking and looked into the kitchen, where the cat was enjoying the view out the window, to see that bat-shit crazy blue jay swoop repeatedly at the kitchen window, trying to off the cat.

If those blue jays start teaming up with woodpeckers, I am getting out the shotgun, and if I hear any weird noises in the fireplace in the next few days, I am so out of here. At least the trailer trash robins have been keeping a low profile.

Top Five Keyword Searches on My Statcounter Recently:

1. Noel Gallagher is ugly
(you're preaching to the choir here)

2. puked on my bare feet and liked it
(hurray for sickos!)

3. Thom Yorke comb-over
(that would be a must-see)

4. what if my dog swallowed a small lego piece
(the perennial question, isn't it?)

5. feud between joy division and the dandy warhols
(somebody's getting their decades mixed up and making me feel all superior)

Why stop now?

Five More!

1. cat puke casserole
(I need that recipe)

2. how to touch someones boobs when their sleeping
(illiterate and uninformed - my favourite type)

3. matthew good hit with shoe
(that's actually a great story)

4. are turkish people bad tempered
(well we've all wondered that)

5. clothes up and personal calgary
(I'm thinking, just learning English?)

Keep an eye out for the insane wildlife this weekend, regardless of whether you are in the mountains, in the backyard, or in the bar.

It's all fun till somebody gets an eye pecked out.


Anonymous said...

I would really really like to write a song called "Cat Puke Casserole". Preferably hardcore.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Hardcore or rockabilly, Ruh, either one would work, I think. And I expect a performance of that song from you before the summer is out, missy.

Allison said...

"Recently the insane blue jay who hangs around our yard has gone beyond stalking the cat when she's outside and has taken to peering into our windows in a threatening manner.

The idea of a blue jay peering through your window in a threatening manner made me snort into my tea. In fact, I'm still chuckling as I type. Thank-you for a morning laugh.

I do hope it leaves you all alone soon though. I'd really start to worry if you notice it perching on the windshield wipers of your car when you go to leave the house. But then I guess there's a sure fire way to get rid of him.

Anonymous said...

We don't have blue jays here but I remember them in Winnipeg. First time I heard one screach outside my bedroom window I just about hit the roof. Who would have thought such a pretty bird could sound so evil and loud


The Robins are either keeping a low profile or have already been laid out by the Blue Jay...

I have to wonder though why the birds seem to hate you so much?

Perhaps they don't share your love of Radiohead played at high volume? :P

Serah said...

I'm trying to stop laughing.
I do feel for the cat!

I made the mistake of watching the birds w/ Ella in the room. She is in full duck and cover mode the second she sees a seagull or a crow.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

We should all be on guard against some peckers.

justacoolcat said...

Lucky for you it's called a murder of crows. I think it's a mugging of blue jays, so you know, don't walk around with too much cash on you.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

But what if it hangs onto the windshield wipers, as I swerve madly at high speeds trying to shake it loose, Al? I will have no option but to drive directly into the path of a train or something. Stupid blue jays.

They're pretty, but have you looked one right in the eye, Kelly? Pure evil lives there.

I spoke too soon, Urban Blonde, that mangy robin is now back and appears to be talking with the blue jays. I may have to put Radiohead aside for a while and go all Apocalypse Now on their asses - Ride of the Valkyrie at top volume.

You've scarred her for life, Serah, at least you will never have to hear pleas to get a budgie. Now you need to watch Cujo with her in the room.

That's what my mamma always told me too, Dr M.

I can't anyway, Just A, I think the blue jays stole my wallet.

mister anchovy said...

I was once in the studio of a sculptor who had a parrot and a cat and the parrot delighted in chasing the cat, swooping over its head. The cat apparently enjoyed this too, because it kept coming back for more.

Cat Puke Casserole is an excellent song name.

The Dandy Warhols had a good band name, didn't they? I recall the film Dig! featuring them and those other folks with the groovy band name, the Brian Jonestown Massacre. I thought the first half of that film was pretty interesting. After that, I think I had a nap.

Gifted Typist said...

Hitchcock had Birds,
zombie has Blue Jays

Talking of matthew Good, we were listening to him in the car on the way up to the cottage this wk/end - on the Zombie Makes Noises Tapes

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That must have been fascinating to watch the inerplay of that parrot and cat, Mister Anchovy. It sounds like it was made to be Youtubed.
Dig! was pretty compelling as a look at inter and intra-band fighting. That Anton Newcombe is one crazy bastard.

And I always thought it was only ever going to be woodpeckers and robins that give me grief, Gifted. What's next? Getting attacked by hummingbirds?
I'm so glad to hear you are listening to the zombie mixes! I love a mix or 12 for a road trip. And now I feel like listening to Matt Good.

Dale said...

I think that might be the blue jay from my backyard, I haven't seen him lately but he's a caution!

Let me know if you get the recipe, I've been looking for it too.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I suspect Honey Pot has been training that particular blue jay, Dale.

I'm holding out for the no trans fat version of that recipe, myself.

Gifted Typist said...

Matthew the Good

I wonder if this proposed new copyright legislation is going to mess with the Zombie mix tape making?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Only if you tell on me, Gifted.

Anonymous said...

The resident birds, gotta love 'em!
They liven up the place.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I haven't seen the insane blue jay for a couple of days now, Leazwell and the cat is once again venturing out of the house

Strawberry Blondie said...

I warned you about the little blue fuckers! I'm glad it's not just my family who is tortured by gangs of wildlife led by kamikaze blue jays. ;)

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I was thinking of you and particularly your poor dad when this whole thing was going down, Strawberry Blondie. I don't think one should mess with those mofos.