When I reached 25 names within a few short minutes, I began to have an inkling that this might involve a bit more selectivity than I originally thought. I was going to have to do some culling. I was going to have to establish some criteria besides I love this man he’s so talented and cute.
So I implemented what I call the oh-god-I-just-fucked-my-teddy-bear rule. If I allowed myself to imagine a selected musician in a carnal situation, and it made me cringe because he is so adorable and sweet that it would be like, well, fucking your teddy bear, then that man is out. You’d be surprised at the number of worthy men I had to eliminate that way. A shame really.
So to you - Colin Meloy and John K Samson and Wayne Petti and Chad VanGaalen and Joel Plaskett and Tony Dekker, my heartfelt apologies. You are tops in my heart, but you don’t pass the teddy bear test.
These guys do:
- that voice, which I have heard described (accurately, I assure you) as jagged chocolate, the passion and the energy he puts into performing, those plaid shirts. He walked past me in the lobby once and I was too overwhelmed to say anything to him, but I sure was sweating.
- he always had that swaggering yet ambivalent sexuality thing going for him when he was with Pulp, and now that he’s in his 40s and was a stay-at-home daddy (thereby cementing his place in women’s hearts) before bursting back on the music scene with his great solo album last year, he just keeps getting sexier. Plus anyone who can rock the same style of nerd glasses for decades has got all kinds of chutzpah.
- is anyone really surprised that Thom is on this list? Quite frankly, most of the members of Radiohead could be under consideration – Jonny for his hair and incredible talent, Ed for his smile, Colin for his articulate intelligence and personality, and Phil for, um, well, he’s a very good drummer and he has a nice shiny scalp.
But how could anyone not be swayed by that twitchy little ginger who rules my heart? When you combine that soaring voice with that scruffy little face complete with wonky eye and those premium dance moves, his incredible musical vision, plus his commitment to fairness and to living and touring responsibly, well he’s pretty much back to save the universe, isn’t he? And that makes our Thom one sexy lad.
- a flamboyant, larger than life showman, who all but throws himself at the feet of his audience. He's got the moves and he's got the voice, and he sings about sex a lot.
And in person, he's a real sweetheart.
Owen Pallett (Final Fantasy)
- quite frankly, the most stunningly beautiful lad I have ever laid eyes upon. Makes me wish I was a gay man. Plus he almost single-handedly made violin playing and being a gaming nerd cool.
Also put on the best concert I saw last year.
- Jim was always pretty sweet looking back in the day, with his pouty face under the mass of hair, and all that tight leather. He was the more outspoken member of the band, and when he opened his mouth to spout off with that Glaswegian accent, well there's no resisting that, is there?
He still looks pretty fit and fine today and, unlike his brother, has wisely now given up on the JAMC hair and leather.
- my phone's on vibrate for him. Rufus once boasted the sweetest sideburns in rock. Bring back those sideburns, Rufus! And nobody sings Leonard Cohen like Rufus Wainwright.
To this day, nobody rocks a pair of lederhosen and white knee highs like Rufus. I think I actually want to go shopping with him.
- almost didn't pass the teddy bear test, what with his angelic voice, his tweeness and the fact that his hair looks like his mother cuts it with a bowl, but then there are those subversive lyrics which throw everything into confusion. And besides, there's that irresistible Scotish accent again. Just about anybody with a Scotch accent automatically qualifies. (Except Adrian Moffat from Arab Strap. Although he has a lovely brogue and he sings about dirty sex a lot, he's not sexy at all, just dirty.)
Stuart, despite the pictures I have seen of him in starched and ironed pyjamas, makes the cut.
- the legendary voice of a generation. Besides putting the fun into punk, Joe always maintained his ideals and lived by his principles. A classy man to the end, and that, my friends, is very sexy.
- I could have been talked into spending a weekend on a tropical island with him. He could have been my Survivor boyfriend. And he undoubtedly knew where to get the really good pot.
- "fashion god" pretty much sums it up. Anyone who can take those pants and that disturbing mustache and turn them into icons has got to possess some pretty mighty kahonas.
- he kind of perfected the snarly rocker look back when he fronted a rock band, but has since melded his look into more of a mature geek, alongside his evolution to searing and dark acoustic songs. He is still one of the brainiest musicians around (and brains are definitely sexy), with a scathing wit and a refusal to accept bullshit from anybody, tempered by a deep grasp of geopolitics and a very real concern for human rights.
- I don't even like his music, to tell you the truth, and I get the impression that he's kinda skeezey, but damn he is one fine looking man!
- another aging punk who has maintained his principles. He is also, hands down, the best banterer I have ever encountered. I would have no problems going to a concert just to hear him talk. He is dead funny, and humour is always sexy.
- although I am not smitten with his music, I really appreciated how sweet and patient he was when posing for "this is me" photos, even after the camera kept crapping out. And you have to admit, the man is a serious hottie.
Whew, I'm exhausted after that! But dang I had fun! I'm going to try to keep the fire stoked by tagging 4 women whom I am pretty sure have some strong opinions of their own on this topic - Allison, Deb, Mellowlee, and 668. Ladies, wow us with your picks!
And to the men who made it through this post to the bitter end, you are awfully sexy for having the determination and stamina. Well done, you.