1. Zombies favour Christmas trees with personality, and purchase the Charlie Brownest tree they can find every year. This is always done on the second Saturday of December, and it is then decorated the next day, while Bad Tempered bakes a big batch of nuts and bolts and drinks sherry.
2. Zombies are very focussed shoppers and can purchase the above tree, along with several arms full of cedar, fir, and spruce boughs, and an entire winter's supply of cranapple cider mix in 10 minutes flat.
3. Although neither Bad Tempered nor her lovely husband were raised with the idea of Santa Claus (both families observing the European custom of opening presents on Christmas Eve), the Christmas stocking has somehow insinuated itself into the Zombie household and now insists upon being filled each Christmas.
4. The Zombie family has adopted the Polish tradition of dining on
5. It was Zombie tradition to play road hockey and drink beer on Boxing Day, but this custom seems to have fallen by the wayside in recent years. This has been largely replaced by endless and often violent games of crokinole. One rule which must be strictly adhered to in the Zombie household is that at least one bum cheek must remain on the chair seat at all times.
6. Christmas films which must be watched in the Zombie household are: A Christmas Story, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the Boris Karloff one).
7. Each year for the last four years, the Zombie household has received a mysterious parcel in the mail, around the end of November. The postmarks have been varied, and the only message the parcel ever contains is a kidnapper-style note. The first year it read "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree", and it contained a lovely partridge in a pear tree ornament, quite large. We now also have two turtle doves, three french hens, and four calling birds. This year Bad Tempered is really hoping it will be Gwyneth Paltrow's head, but suspects that they may get five golden rings instead.
8. A lighted reindeer named Norman usually graces the front lawn of the Zombie house during December, but Bad Tempered fears that the ground may be too frozen this year to fasten his little hooves down. The spousal unit, however, insists that it can be done.
9. Although Bad Tempered has many Christmas cds, including The Academy of St Martin in the Fields performing The Messiah quite brilliantly, the rest of the family will only permit her to play them during tree decorating and present opening. And even then they complain. Especially when she sings along.
10. Over Christmas, the Zombie front porch is decorated with an old toboggan leaning against the wall, surrounded by big pots of tree boughs with old hockey sticks stuck into them. Bad Tempered likes to pretend she is in the Eastern Townships, although she has never been there.
11. Shortbread cookie baking always deteriorates into childish shenanigans in the Zombie household. During the decorating process, the Santa-shaped cookies inevitably end up with poopy pants, or with big boobs, or decapitated and spewing blood. The Zombie household watches too much South Park.
12. Last year, the Zombies started a new tradition of Pyjama Day, whereby they watched South Park dvds all day long, in their pyjamas of course, and then ordered pizza. This year it looks like The Office (UK) dvds will be heavily featured.
Pyjama Day is a tradition which is going to be observed FOREVER.
What seasonal traditions do you normal people maintain?