So that you can share in the overwhelming excitement that goes into decorating our tree, I am live blogging all the action in the Zombie household this afternoon.
2:30 pm - tree has been erected in its stand and the cat is sitting guard in much the same position as she is in this photo from last year. I think this year's tree is slightly less Charlie Brownish as it doesn't appear to have any large gouges taken out of it, and it is rather straight, but we shall see as it finishes unfurling.
Nuts and bolts have been in the oven for an hour and I have just poured the first glass of Harvey's Bristol Cream. Eva has just come downstairs, homework in hand, and Jerry is has been trying to unravel the new strand of lights I picked up on Friday. Please god let them work.
Oh shit, the oven timer just beeped again - must go stir the nuts and bolts.
Photos will be forthcoming.
3:00 pm - lights are attached and do indeed work, but they were a son of a bitch to put up. I think I gave myself an aneurysm. But at least we did not put up an old set that doesn't work, as we did a couple of years ago. I almost hurled the tree through the window that year. Is tree decorating supposed to be so confrontational?
Sputnik is eating the tree. Must put a stop to this, and get a second glass of sherry. Supper could be a little drunk tonight, if this keeps up.
3:50 pm - tree is nearing optimum decorativeness. I am considering a third glass of sherry, and the nuts and bolts will be done shortly.
I remembered a funny passage that I recently read in Please Kill Me, and hauled the book downstairs to read to everybody about Jayne/Wayne County telling the story of her mother turning fundamentalist and fighting with his father about decorating the Christmas tree. The poor kids were caught in the middle and were left pleading "please don't make us decorate the symbol of babylonian evil!"
Eva then figured we needed to hear a few passages from Good Omens by Neil Gaimen and Terry Pratchett. NOT Christmassy, but entertaining nonetheless and besides she had a captive audience. Sort of reminds me of a Tom Robbins book, so I may have to read it.
Then a big discussion ensued about Tony Dekker's (Great Lake Swimmers) new state of beardedness and whether it made him look like a Hutterite, which he may very well be, as Dekker is certainly a Hutterite surname. See, we do discuss the big important subjects like religion and such here. It's not all South Park and Thom Yorke as an old man, you know.
Nuts and bolts have obtained crispy goodness.
5:00 pm - done! The tree's gaps are now fully evident as it has finished unfolding, and its Charlie Browness is no longer in dispute. Here's a pic of the end result. Please note the presence of the Gwyneth Paltrow head-containing mystery parcel, which is the only present currently residing in the Zombie household.
Sputnik hates the new Christmas lights, as she got her head stuck in the box in which they arrived, and she got all embarassed when we laughed at her. She will inflict her revenge by knocking down the ornaments which are on the lower branches, which is why we put the non-breakable ones down there.
I am getting a headache from the sherry, so this third glass will be my last. The mantle and the front porch will need to wait for another day.
This concludes the live blogging of the decorating of the Zombie Christmas tree. I have a whole new respect for journalists now. It's hard work.