Thursday, December 13, 2007

I am a machine

There is something about the 16 hours of darkness per day that we are currently experiencing that awakens in me The Christmas Juggernaut. Without provocation, the buttons pop on my shirt, the sleeves split under the pressure of my bulging biceps, and suddenly I am wearing big ass-kicking boots in place of my modest loafers.

And then, shit happens. Cards get mailed, photos get printed, fireplace mantles and front porches get decorated, gifts get bought, wrapped and packaged for mailing. I am omnipotent.

Tonight I will pick up the prints that are going to be mailed to family, turf them into the parcels which are ready to be mailed, and drop those parcels at the post office in the morning. Then I will brew a big pot of coffee, sit in front of the tree with my lifeline laptop, and catch up with you, my pretties. I mean really catch up. I need to know all the dirt, please.

Are you doing any me-gifting this year? I have to admit that I am. And I went one step further; I bought some presents that I thought would be perfect for me from the family. Honestly, it was a golden opportunity! Plus they were on sale. I got caught up in the machine.

The question now arises: do I feign surprise on Christmas morning?

17 comments:

New and Used Records said...

You should still feign surprise indeed. I like the element of surprise, but I also like knowing that someone is getting me something that I want.

Anonymous said...

I agree, feign like you never feigned before. It's heck of a lot better than getting something just to fill up the gift bag.
Hey didn't I see your Christmas tree down in the Fish Creek Park during the Grey Cup thingy?
Have a gooder,
Bruno

Allison said...

Ah, everything you just listed I have to do this weekend. Le sigh.

Glad you are being productive!

Karen said...

Pretend it's from the cat...no one will ever suspect you had anything to do with it.

As for me, no me-gifting this year. Something to think about for next year though.

mellowlee said...

I'm totally into me gifting! I came out of my shopping trip with an external hard drive and that gloriously red plaid hoodie :O) Thanks Santa!!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

16 hours of darkness? I envy you, I'd love to live that far north in winter but it would drive Sparky insane.

Toccata said...

I want to see Mel's plaid hoodie!

Christmas cards are so traditional. Me, I'm sending New Year's cards. Well, maybe more like Valentine or Easter cards the rate I'm going.

Dale said...

I order all sorts of things for myself and pretend to be surprised. The biggest surprise shows up on my credit card statement though.

Beth said...

I'm horrible about me-gifting. It's the only time of year I come home with an brand-new wardrobe.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's the best of both worlds, really, Will, and I do believe I can fool myself into thinking I really am surprised too.

That's probably where they got the trees from, Bruno, the scraggly ones growing down by the creek which haven't yet succumbed to the beavers. Just the way we like em.
I am practicing my feigning as we speak.

Don't try to do it all in one weekend, Al! We want you in one piece to see in the new year.

The cat is a notoriously chintzy gift giver, Karen. I think the family would smell a rat, or more likely a decapitated bird.

I love that hoodie, Mel! The world needs more red plaid imo.

You should try it in the summer, Dr M! At the peak we only get about 4 hours of darkness. Not so good for sleeping, but great for partying.

Why do I suspect that you will succumb to the Christmas machine after all, Toccata? Oh, because somebody got up at 5:00 to work on cards, or so I hear.

Oh that Visa is such a zany funster, Dale, always acting like it really expects us to pay and stuff like that. What a kidder!

Damn them anyway, Beth, they get us into the stores under the guise of buying for others and then tempt us beyond belief.

BeckEye said...

Not a year goes by where I don't do some me-gifting. If I have to endure the hell of shopping (especially during the holiday season) I'm getting myself a consolation prize. Or two. Or three.

justacoolcat said...

me-gifting is my favorite gifting of all.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You've got the right attitude, Beckeye. I think I'd be about ready to kill somebody right now if I had to do any shopping for somebody else.

You know it, Just A! In fact I just bought the spousal unit something which I know I will use a fair bit. Loves the me-gifting.

Hot Lemon said...

how do *I* get some of that Jauggernaut energeee?? I'm whooped!!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I think it comes with the whole motherhood baggage, Hot Lemon, sad but true.

Deb said...

Me gifting is where it's at.

I actually ripped things out of flyers so I wouldn't forget to get them.

Weird stuff though...an "emergency preparedness" radio/flashlight combo. Better be a coffee maker too.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Oh yes, I usually have the place festooned with flyer bits at this time of year as well, Deb. Plus we post wish lists on the fridge.

I'm still waiting for a goat though.