Tuesday, November 06, 2007

This is likely the shallowest and most self-absorbed post you will read all day

For someone who hates shopping as much as I do, I can sure kick its ass around the block when I need to.

I took a vacation day today to prepare for our upcoming Ontario trip, ostensibly to make myself presentable to my mother-in-law. And because we are leaving on Friday, I was motivated.

Since my metabolism seems to be falling victim to the effects of aging recently, I put on my new shoes which don't make my feet look like duck feet (henceforth christened "Lucky") and headed over to the fat ladies' store.

One half hour, ladies and gentlemen. One half hour, and I emerged triumphant with two pairs of perfectly fitting pants, half a dozen unripped undies, and a sassy and stylish top (for which I was not even in the market). Plus it was scratch and sniff day, so I saved a whack of money as well.

I was feeling so on top of things that I thought I would risk a trip to the mall for some hostess gifts and also to reconnoiter the leather coat store at which Jerry had bought me a gift card. He has been after me for about two years to look for a new coat there. He is well aware how much I despise shopping, and he was so pleased with his shopping experience there and with the jacket he ended up buying (it really does look great on him), that he wanted to give me the same nirvana-inducing experience. He really can be a sweet guy.

Jerry had waxed on about the great sales staff and how helpful they were and how they kept bringing him progressively better and better-fitting jackets until he slipped on the perfect garment. And the entire store stood at attention and applauded and they carried him around on their shoulders up and down the mall singing hallelujah. At least
I think that's the way he told it.

I had a slightly different experience.

I think that perhaps the geriatric sales girls who work the Tuesday morning shift have an old school idea of truthiness in sales. I didn't really see anything that floored me, but I thought should try on a couple of coats to give me an idea of where to start. Each coat I tried on had my old sales girl sighing about how beautiful it was and how well it fit. Ahhh, no it's not and no it doesn't, I can barely get it closed over my girls and it feels like I'm wearing a straight-jacket.

I can in all honesty say I got much better and much more honest service at the fat ladies' store.

I will go back. I do have a gift card to use, but I think I will wait a couple of weeks for the new stock to arrive. And maybe I will go on a Friday.


Anonymous said...

Love those salesladies at specialty shops!I HATE paying the price for being undersized, but good service does help with the pain.Bet you look stunning, Barb! No pics for us?

Allison said...

I read that sentence with the scratch and sniff too fast and at first thought somehow the sassy top was scratch and sniff. Then I got confused. Then I re-read. Now I'm laughing.

Your winter coat experience sounds like my yesterday. I've decided I'm going back when my friend comes up in two weeks, I need a real opinion. Someone telling me, yes that does make your ass look fat and perhaps red is not your colour.

I'm glad though that you managed some shopping success. I'm sure you shall get the mother-in-law approved stamp when you visit London. It too may be scratch and sniff.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Good service is always worth it, Berni, regardless of what they are flogging.
Will pics taken alongside the Ontario crew suffice? Those will be forthcoming.

A scratch and sniff top. Hmmm, that has possibilities, Al, but I can see it also being fraught with social faux pas. A bacon top, for example, may be the height of elegance in some circles, but shunned in others. It's probably best left alone.
One definitely needs a trusted and opinionated friend for choosing those big-ticket items. Don't trust those Tuesday morning sales girls.

Allison said...

I forgot to add before...I think the dog in that photo is missing goggles and burberry scarf ;P

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Hey, simultaneous posting, Al - I feel so close to you right now.

You are so right about the dog. Poor thing looks naked and will no doubt be mocked by all the society dogs.

mellowlee said...

I stay faaaaaaaaaaaaar away from sales people when I'm cloths shopping!!! Sometimes it's hard to fight them off, but I prefer to be left alone in a store :O) I'm glad you found stuff you like!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Let us know what your mother in law thinks of your new unripped undies. :)

Toccata said...

I loved this post but I seriously could have done without the bedbug post. Now, how am I supposed to go to sleep? If it's not zombies or snipers it's bedbugs. Sheesh.

Karen said...

Ewww. Bedbugs - they've made a big appearance here in Edmonton over the past few years. Let's talk about something more pleasant shall we? Clothes shopping ... wait. That's not a fun topic. I hate shopping for clothes. I'm one of those who have to shop at the fat lady stores as well (I never would have guessed you did Barb!!!). Did you know the same company owns Penningtons, Addition-Elle and Reitmans? It's a conspiracy. And I hate Cotton Ginny - their clothes fit weird. Perhaps I should just run around naked. No, on second thought, no one wants that.Guess I'll have to break down and go ... ug... shopping.

JustRun said...

I have so many questions, even thought I'm always glad to hear of successful shopping trips. First, glad for the "unripped undies" but I hope this doesn't fall into the impressing the mother-in-law category. :) Also, scratch and sniff?

BeckEye said...

Can I hire you as my personal shopper? I friggin' hate shopping.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Sometimes I appreciate their help. Mel, or I let them hold my stuff for me, but generally I am better to blast through the racks on my own as well.

That will be my first order of business, Dr M, whip off my pants and show the MIL my undies. Then she will know I was the right girl for her son.

I'm still feeling distinctly creepy from thinking about them as well, Toccata, and the unease is increasing as our trip approaches. I am washing everything immediately upon returning.

You are right about Cotton Ginny, Karen, I've never really though about it before but all their clothes are saggy and baggy. And I would never have guessed that you shop at the FLS either! We'll have to plan a trip together sometime! They actually have some decent clothes sometimes.

I'm hoping it doesn't go so far that I have to bring out the ultimate weapon of the unripped undies, Justrun, and my MIL is actually quite fond of me. She just has a funny way of showing it.
Scratch and sniff is just code for Scratch and Save - never fear, no shirts with built-in perfume or anything.

We shoppa-haters seem to be in the majority here, Beckeye. What gives? Are we just bucking the stereotype or is it merely a myth that women are supposed to like shopping. I'm guessin the latter.

Deb said...

ha, I'm laughing because before I even clicked on "the fat ladies store" link, I thought "bet it's Pennington's". Bingo. Love it.

I haven't bought anything lately that hasn't come from a thrift store. I commented to Linds last night that I'm starting to look like a crazy bag/bird lady. Although I think I probably look worse.

Good for you on the success. And I love the description of King Jerry.

Anonymous said...

You better not be coming to my town and avoiding me! ;)

Excellent on the shopping, you fabulous gal!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I was doing quite a lot of my fashion purchasing at Value Village, until recently, Deb, when I realized I wasn't really finding anything decent anymore. I shall go back though, never fear! But the FLS is pretty awesome sometimes.

We are heading straight to London, Tanya. Do not pass TO, do not collect $200. And we are on a whirlwind 2 day trip. Otherwise I would insist on dragging you out for coffee.

justacoolcat said...

Now that is power shopping!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's the only way to preserve my sanity, Just A. Oddly, I take my time whilst cd shopping.

Anonymous said...

Barb sez - That will be my first order of business, Dr M, whip off my pants and show the MIL my undies. Then she will know I was the right girl for her son.

After reading your post & all the replies, THIS is what stands out.

I think I love you.

Anonymous said...

oops, that was me, michelle. heh. shame on my trigger finger.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Standing up and taking a bow, Michelle! I am glad that on occasion, I still have the ability to amuse.

I think that I am far too proud of my new underwear. Perhaps I need to replace them more often.

phlegmfatale said...

Ah, the new, un-ripped undies - is there any comfort greater? I think not.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

The new unripped undies surprised me with how wonderful they felt, Phlegmfatale. I need to go shopping more often, I guess.