Friday, November 23, 2007

leg lamp day

While my American friends were gorging on turkey, I spent many quality minutes at the airport waiting for them to let my big brother off the plane.

Now don't get me wrong, I actually think the Calgary airport is a pretty great facility. You could live there for a month without any ill effects. Hey, they should make a movie about somebody who is forced to live at the airport for an extended time... What do you think? Any financiers?

The washrooms alone at the Calgary airport are second to none. They are located every 10 metres or so, they each have about 50 stalls, they are impecably clean, and they are designed so that the only thing you ever have to touch is your own ass. Really, I could live there.

There is even an oxygen bar at the airport, except that I'm happy with the free stuff, thank you very much. And you can get just about any kind of food you would ever want at Calgary airport. By contrast, the London, Ontario airport, which I always thought was pretty decent, has gone through some renovations since I was last there, and not all of them are good.

For instance, as we poured off the plane in London, 90% of the female passengers immediately headed to the nearby washroom, which we found was equipped with two stalls. And one of them didn't have a hook to hang your coat and purse. Plus they have done away with the little restaurant which used to look over the runways. Now your only choice is a roped off area in front of the Tim Hortons stand, or a vending machine. No more pinball area either. Sad really.

So I was pacing the arrivals area yesterday, waiting for Bruno, and watching them let those Saskatoon bastards deplane first, when I got to watching the facial expressions of the arrivers. They all walked through the doors, rather blank-faced, slightly confused looking, and then of course you would see one of the waiting detach themselves from the herd and make their way toward them. I was really tempted to intercede, to walk up to one of the arrivers, smile on my face, arms outstretched, and give them a big hug, exclaiming, "you made it!" I figure the trick would be to walk up to them, not rush at them, because you would want to have time to savour the changing expression on their face as they realized you were targetting them.

Fortunately for us all, Bruno arrived before I followed through.

As he sipped his Timmy's, we lingered in front of the luggage carousel which had his flight number marked on it. Although the bags from the Saskatoon flights had started spinning around before the passengers even deplaned, curiously enough no bags were showing up from Bruno's flight. Then the carousel stopped and the flight number disappeared from the sign altogether. Fortunately my ever-vigilant brother spotted the WestJet crew near the exit surreptitiously loading his and a few other suitcases onto a trolley, presumably to sell downtown for beer money.

But we had the Leg Lamp Award ceremony to attend at the high school that evening, so we had to boot it out of there.

Actually, it turns out that the leg lamp that we were hoping that Eva was going to receive for her Film Studies academic award was just a measly certificate. It was nice and an honour and all that yadda yadda, but it sure as hell wasn't a leg lamp.


Allison said...

I love picking people up from the airport and rushing at them with a giant hug. Curiously enough my family always never does this for me. Hmmm. Perhaps a trade in is in order.

I'm glad to hear that your brother arrived safe and I hope you all are enjoying the weekend!

Its unfair that the Leg Lamp Award be dangled and then replaced with a piece of paper. Boo to that.

mellowlee said...

The only 2 airports I have been to are Vancouver (and it's so like a mall, full of places like The Body Shop, and A&W etc) and the Spokane airport, which was so big, it scared the crap out of me!

I love to watch people at airports.

Hope you enjoy your weekend! ( I finally did my tagged list too)

Now I want to go watch A Christmas Story... I wonder if Dale has watched that movie yet.

John Mutford said...

Was there at least a picture of the leg lamp on the certificate?

Grumpy Old Bastard said...

"...we lingered in front of the luggage carousel..."

Does one truely linger in front of the baggage merry-go-round? I usually found myself waiting with a sense of dread horror...just hoping my bag made it in one piece.

In the States you would be ill-advised to "linger" in the airport. You will either get arrested by Motherland Security...or get a date with a Senator.


Anonymous said...

Aren't fabulous airports fun?

Ditto to Allison's remark regarding the leg lamp award - boo indeed!

jim dandy said...

That movie is actually called, The Terminal, with Tom Hanks.

Rent it at your local video store today. hehe

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I was a little nervous picking up Bruno, Al, but it had more to do with being a half-blind girl tackling the Deerfoot with a strange vehicle at rush hour in the dark. It's a long story. We are having a great visit though!
And if I ever have the opportunity to pick you up at the airport, rest assured that I will throw myself at you. It's the least I can do.
I think perhaps we may have misread the nature of the award; I just naturally assumed it would be a leg lamp.

I got frisked at the Zurich airport, Mel, which I thought was a really big deal until I started getting frisked at concerts. So that's sort of ruined the story for me.
The weekend is going boffo, just gearing up for the big football/eating day tomorrow.

Let me check, John.
Alas, no, just some sort of crest. A poor substitute, really.

Well if the bathrooms at US airports are anywhere near as great as the Calgary ones, I can certainly see them being a great place for a gubernatorial tryst, GOB.
I was able to linger so casually in front of the luggage carousel because it wasn't my underwear that was at peril.

It was disappointing, really, Leazwell, but I guess I shouldn't have been making assumptions about the award. It was wishful thinking, but it realy would have been nice.

Damn! Every time I get a really good idea somebody has beaten me to it! Oh well, JIm Dandy, I'll just have to keep trying.

Bubs said...

So "Saskatoons" is the word for people from Saskatchewan? That is so cool.

I think you should've followed through on your idea of greeting a random passenger.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That would be cool, Bubs, but Saskatoon is a city in Saskatchewan. Not sure what they call people from Saskatoon,however, maybe it IS "Saskatoons".

JustRun said...

Leg lamp? Ceremony? I always learn new things here.

Jetson Stamina said...

That movie has been done. It was called Cast Away part 2. Tom Hank's character somehow gets an accent in the sequel and no mention of FedEx. So much for continuity.

justacoolcat said...

I hate airports, but I'd be tempted to make an exception if they'd charge me for oxygen.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

And they are always the sorts of things that you no doubt wonder how you lived without knowing about previously, aren't they, Justrun? No? Oh well.

It must have been all those months living on an island talking to a basketball that caused the accent, Jetson. It was a standard western basketball accent.

I hear it's really flavourful oxygen though, Just A. I wonder if you can get canned airline cabin scent?

Deb said...

well now I know we're soul sisters...I used "shenanigans" in my post. Only I spelled it wrong.

Evelyne said...

Airports are great, when I was waiting for my brother to come back from France we had a lot of fun despite the fact that his plane was delayed for few hours. i wanted to do the hug thing but he didn't let me do it, instead he asked me to look at his suitcases while he was going to the bathroom.

BeckEye said...

I would love to try the airport fake-out greeting.

Note to self: Buy more alcohol.

phlegmfatale said...

OMG - I'm SO going to do that "You made it!" thing at an airport someday, before I die! Funnee!

I finally answered your meme on me blog. Enjoy the crashing waves of horrid revelations!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm not so sure about my spelling of it either, Deb. Wouldn't it be too funny if we both spelled it wrong, the same way?

I guess his bladder was more important than his sister, Evelyne. Isn't that always the way?

And buy it at the duty-free shop, Beckeye. Then you can buy even more.

And of course you must write about it if you ever get the chance to pull if off, Phlegmfatale. I'm sure you would do it in style.
Coming over to check out your meme.