Thursday, October 04, 2007

old habits die hard

The recovering perfume abuser at work has fallen off the wagon.

Stinky Girl had really cleaned up her act since perfume abuse hit the front pages of the local paper, but I passed her in the hall today and, oh she’s back on the shit. She’s trying to hide it by using lighter fruitier scents than that heavy bull moose in rut musk that she used to dip herself in, but you can’t fool me. That lemony stuff isn’t going to be enough of a hit for very long. Pretty soon, she’s going move onto the rose-based stuff and then BANG, before you can say ambergris orgy, she’ll be sneaking off to the ladies’ room for another fix of the good stuff.

Mark my words.

In other news, it was the standard conversation in the urban assault vehicle on the commute to school/work this morning.

I find it endearing that the Resident Offspring has managed to carry a grudge against school patrollers for this long. She has nurtured that hatred since grade four and it still burns fiercely in grade eleven. I believe it’s a gene that is carried in the German lineage.

Resident Offspring (looking out the side window, as we drive past the 12-year-old crossing guards):
Don’t you give me that look, you little douchebag. Yeah, you better hold up that sign!”

And then turning to me:
Those patrollers – they think they’re soooo cool
! I wish I had known the word douchebag when I was in grade five; I would have owned those patrollers.”

My dad would be proud; I know I am.

13 comments:

phlegmfatale said...

That bit about stinky girl made me larf and larf. Sorry you're going through that, but I loved your description!

offspring totally pwned those douchebags!

John Mutford said...

Where do those crossing guards get off anyway?

Deb said...

I love your family.

Allison said...

I too often wish I had known the word douchebag sooner.

I'm with Deb, I love your family.

The crossing guards at our school were always at least 75. I often wonder how heavy those signs were.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I don't really see her that often, so she amuses me more than bothers me, Phlegmfatale
Offspring pretty much pwns all, much to my delight.

Yeah, John they think they're so smart because they know how to cross a road. God!

Awww! I do too, Deb, and your family rocks too.

We've always had grade 6 kids at all our schools, Al. Oh except when we lived in Ontario - yeah, they do have adult crossing guards there!
Douchebag is one of the exceedingly useful words, and the younger you can use it with authority, the better.

Evelyne said...

I hate the crossing guards in my hometown; I don't look like a 10 years old but last time I went, the lady acted as if I was a little kid, and she crossed the street with me... when I went by to the car I just told her that I was old enough to cross the street by myself (there isn't that much traffic and it's a pretty safe spot)...

Hope that Stinky Girl won't be stinky for too long...

BeckEye said...

Oh, I know the stinky girl. I haven't had to deal with one in my last few jobs, but I worked for the corporate office of a retail health chain that shall remain nameless and GENERAL, and there was one there. I swear she would go into the bathroom and spray every 2 hours. How can these people not know that they stink?

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I'm not going to tell you how many people I had to "please" to get that orange belt and sash when I was a kid, but believe me, it wasa a hell of a lot.

JustRun said...

Oh my gosh, thanks for making me laugh today.

BeckEye said...

And some random thoughts...

Your post title has that John Hiatt song, "Old Habits" stuck in my head. Things could be worse.

I thought of you last night while watching "The Office." I'm not sure why really, just that you're a big Office fan. It was when Michael was screaming "Where are the turtles?!?!?" I was dying laughing and I imagined that, somewhere in Canada, so were you.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Obviously she is not challenged enough in her job, Evelyne. I am howling at the image of the crossing guard walking you across the street, and then trying to walk you back again!

Exactly, Beckeye! And why do they assume that everybody else likes that perfume? Do they figure they have a monopoly on good taste? Obviously they don't, or they wouldn't smell like a cat house in the first place.

Just the first of your many shitty jobs, was it, Dr M? I hope your method of obtaining said position didn't set a precident for your interview skills in the future.

It was a pleasure, Justrun, but my kid takes half the blame.

John Hiatt is great, Beckeye, we don't hear near enough from him.
What a cozy feeling, knowing that we were sharing a pee your pants moment from across this huge continent. Actually it was more like a pee your pants hour - "you can't teach an old dog new tricks - it's illegal". I'm still laughing!

mellowlee said...

I wonder if she would get the hint if you went into a violent sneezing fit every time she passed by you. :O)

You're family rocks!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

They'd probably make me go for a second flu shot if I did that, Mel, it's hard to pull much over on those damn medical folks.