That's when the FedEx guy will arrive. That's when it all ends. Until then I am pretty much living at work.
I'm not certain why granting agencies have such insanely complex application processes, but I suspect it is to save time on actually reviewing the applications. "Aha! This dude used paper clips rather than elastic bands, and did you see this? He didn't include a self-addressed stamped envelope." REJECT. "And what's this I see? Is that, why yes it is, that is 11 point font, not 12. You are so busted, mister!" REJECT.
But most likely the agencies figure that demanding 7 copies of the complete application, plus a common cv with each go to the national agency, along with 12 copies of double-sided and stapled copies of select pages in a separate envelope, while the provincial agency gets 4 copies of the complete application with common cv in each and an abridged version of select pages, and don't even get me started on the Personnel award application, works very well in culling the weak from the herd. If you can't stay organized, I can hear them thinking, you shouldn't call yourself a scientist.
Oh and did I mention that the photocopier isn't working? Before I left on vacation, I thought I would be proactive and make the 25 required copies of a (amazingly already completed) 30 page document which I had to attach. However, with the copier jamming every 5 minutes (and not just in one spot either - these were quadruple jams) and feeding several pages through at a time, so that each document had several pages missing, I only ended up making 10 copies. And now the god damned copier doesn't work at all. I should have kicked it in the arse a few more times.
So today I have to find a place off campus where I can go to get all my copies made. And some of them have to be colour as well.
The other fun part will be tracking down letters of reference which people have promised, but which have yet to materialize. They are just trying to give me a heart attack. And I suspect the departmental secretary is being passive-aggressive when she doesn't return my calls. She seemed far too happy to tell me that the Department Head is away on holiday when I finally reached her and that I should write the critical appraisal letter myself and she would send it to him to sign. Now I have never laid eyes on one of these babies before and nobody can seem to tell me what is expected, so I filled the thing up with hyperbole. I figure when all else fails, baffle them with bullshit.
If I am still alive by 4:30 pm Thursday, I promise to be a better blogger and visit you all again regularly. Until then, I'm off to work.