And here they are:
1. Who was your Tiger Beat crush? Do you still find him cute?
Oh dear, I’m off to a bad start here, as I never read Tiger Beat. I was your more pretentious type, making sure I always had a copy of Albert Camus or Ayn Rand tucked under my arm. Existentialists do not read Tiger Beat; it’s in the rule book. Some of my friends had things for David Cassidy and Donnie Osmond, but I thought they were being idiots.
2. You’re the new hot voice out there, and everyone wants to play with you. Who do you pick to play in your backup band?
Now you’re talking! Warning: this is going to be one big band.
Thom Yorke (Radiohead), Morrissey, Jarvis Cocker, and Michael Stipe (REM) shall all be my dancing boys, and of course they will all be sharing singing duties as well. Gordon McIntyre (Ballboy) will do any speaky bits in the songs because he has the best accent.
John K Samson (the Weakerthans) will be the lyricist, and Colin Meloy (the Decemberists) will be the historian on those sweeping epic songs, and also in case we need someone who sounds smart and kinda dorky.
Chad VanGaalen will make and play all the weird sounding instruments, although Jonny will certainly offer some input on the designs. Bobbie Gillespie (Primal Scream) will provide the handclaps, Laura Barrett (sometimes of the Hidden Cameras) could handle glockenspiel with her good-humoured panache, while Wayne Petti (Cuff the Duke, Hylozoists) could do the honours on piano.
Jim and William Reid (the Jesus and Mary Chain) will style our hair, and Eugene Hutz (Gogol Bordello) will be our translator. Shane McGowan (The Pogues) can defend our honour in the bar, and John Lydon (the Sex Pistols, PIL) will negotiate our contract. Our record label will of course be New and Used Records.
And of course I will welcome any of you to join in with your triangles, recorders, tambourines, and Tiny Tyke guitars.
While I use “fuck” whenever possible (as it is such a great all-purpose word), I do tend to favour the German curse phrases that my father used. Great phrases like:
- gekrümmt gebohrtes Arschloch
4. What’s your guilty pleasure TV show, the one you’re almost embarrassed to admit you watch?
I am using the word “pleasure” very loosely here, because I actually hate it with a passion I can’t even begin to describe, and the few times I have viewed it, I spent the whole time spitting vehemently “how can they take a 10 minute show and stretch it into an hour? Those people are all idiots!” So, I don’t know how got talked into watching Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? as many times as I did.
I do watch Survivor of my own volition, however, and I am cringing slightly as I admit that.
5. Which is your very favorite bauble?
Bauble meaning jewelry? I actually don’t wear jewelry, with the exception of a plain gold wedding band indicating that boys cannot have me and my watch telling me I am late once again. I’m pretty low maintenance in my girliness.
3. What are your top five desert island movies?
4. Who would win in a fight to the death, Harry Potter or Frodo Baggins?
5. What is your stripper name? (The name of your first pet as your first name [plus the name of the first street you ever lived on as your last name)