Saturday, April 14, 2007

heartbreaking and disturbing stories in the news

Those bastards at thephoenix.com have posted their 100 Unsexiest Men 2007 list, and look who we were gobsmacked to discover on said list:

[65] COLIN MELOY
Milquetoast indie rocker
Pasty, dough-faced singer with a whiny, needling voice and overly ornate vocabulary. His band, the Decemberists, dress up in silly costumes and sing songs ripe with allegory, historical allusion, and literary pretension, evidently as a marketing gimmick to get people to listen to more NPR.

What? Our sweet darling Colin? How dare they?

Those list-makers are obviously illiterate cretins who wouldn't know good music or a good man if one fell into their laps.

And the worst insult was the picture that accompanied the slanderous statement.
It wasn't this one (which admittedly shows Colin in a pretty dorky light):

- or this one, which shows both a dorky and a slightly pudgy Colin:

- but unbelievably, this one, which in our opinion shows a pretty supa-buff hawtie Colin:

Well, they can all go straight to hell.

--

The other image that broke our hearts was this poor walrus. Why would you take the dude's bucket?




If that doesn't break your heart, you haven't got one.

16 comments:

Fearless said...

You can add me to the list of cretins as I find the Dismemberists rather bland. I wouldn't say the lead singer was ugly though.

The only thing better than a photoshopped cat is a photoshopped walrus.

justacoolcat said...

Remind me to call and see what you wear to parties as I almost posted on this list yesterday. (and would have time permitting)

I love Ann C making the list and ofcourse my man #10.

Sweeeeeeet Nectar.

justacoolcat said...

P.S.

Screw that Walrus.

~ The Eggman

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Fearless, your lack of Decemberists' love is breaking my heart, which is dangerously close to Cartman's "you're breaking my balls, Chuck!"
But in a fight to the death, I would put my money on a photoshopped walrus over a photoshopped cat any day.

We are thinking entirely too much alike these days for anybody's comfort, Just A. I too was extremely pleased to see Ann Coulter on the list, and you must be so proud that your dude got into the top 10. I was also happy to see the ugliest Canadian to ever breathe - Chad Kroeger - making the grade. And that overrated Perez Hilton.
The Eggman stole the damn bucket, I should have known!

Bubs said...

Not to pile on the Decembrists bashing--I think they're ok (but not really exciting)--but that was one of the funniest things written about them I've ever seen.

Allison said...

I may not love all of their music, but he's certainly not ugly. Chad whatshisname is though, HUZZAH for him making the list.

I had a weird fascination with walruses in the third grade. All my art would have them somehow worked into the fold. I used to think it was because I ate too much paste, but now I see it was because they are indeed a glorious creature in their own right.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Bubs, I have to admit I liked the bit about the marketing gimmick to get people to listen to more NPR. I sense Stephen Colbert's hand in that line.

Al, I can almost forgive thephoenix for dissing my boy Colin by virtue of the fact that they put ugly Chad on there. And Gerard Way! Hahaha - "the only musician who is trying to look MORE like Billy Corgan!" That's good shit.
Your grade three paste-eating self obviously knew magnificence when she saw it. Viva la walrus art!

668 aka neighbour of the beast said...

i would be most happy to have that boy hit on me.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I hear you, 668! He's a cutie pie. But you know he never would, as he is married and an honourable man, which only makes him more attractive.

Jas Bhambra said...

That headshot is pretty hawt! How did they put him in the unsexy list????

I can't see that walrus sad,it does break my heart. Ihav a psare bucket and I'm shipping it toMr Walrus.:)

hilary m. said...

Poor Colin, at least he doesn't look so pasty and dough-faced in that picture. I'm also glad they put Ann Coulter up there... I watched Jesus Camp last night and I swear I couldn't sleep, the fact someone thinks Ann Coulter is not attractive will make me rest easier tonight.

BeckEye said...

I seriously doubt that the guy could be considered one of the most unsexy guys in the world. C'mon, on the same list as Bruce Vilanch?? I think some music journalist just wanted an excuse to use the word "milquetoast." Well, was the guy from Weezer at least on the list??

I love that walrus.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Wo knows where their heads were at, Jas!
That's really kind of you to send a new bucket to the walrus. Perhaps fill it up with fish first, but send it express.

I've heard that Jesus Camp is the scariest thing you'll see all year, Hilary. Maybe the councellor at school can chat with you to help you with the trauma.
Poor Colin, indeed - they just hate him because he reads books.

I think you've put your finger right on it, Beckeye. Milquetoast was just too good a word not to use, although certainly the Weezer dude or the Death Cab for Cutie dude would have been infinitely better choices.

kelly the...you know.... said...

just call me kelly the heartless cretin bastard

Malnurtured Snay said...

That's gotta be the uggliest walrus I've ever had the good fortune not to meet.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Another guy hatin on the Decemberists, Kelly? What is it with you dudes?

I'm surprised that walrus didn't make the 100 unsexiest list, Mal Snay. Coulda put him right below Howie Mandel.