Sunday, April 08, 2007

Happy Zombie Jesus Day, Everybody!

Aquabunny montage photograghed by Eva [x]
*
I got it into my head this year that I wanted to give chocolate hedgehogs instead of rabbits for Easter, presumably because of the hedgehog discussion we were having here a while back. Someone mentioned that Purdy's Chocolates made killer hazelnut hedgehogs and I would settle for nothing less.
So I scooped up a handful of hedgehogs while at Purdy's and took them to the cashier, along with the little egg and rabbit-shaped chocolates that I was buying.
"We are actually out of our regular hedgehogs, " the cashier informed me, "so these are sugar-free."
Bonus, I thought to myself. "How do they taste?", I asked, rather hoping to be offered a sample.
"They taste great," she replied, "but the sugar substitute in these is a laxative." I must have looked quizzical, because she continued, "do not eat more than one of these! And definitely do not give these to children."
The woman behind me in line was nodding vigorously at this point, "Oh yeah, they're laxative, alright!"
Now we are all afraid to eat them.
*~*~*
Eva's friend in Norway was horrified to learn that in North America we eat hedgehogs. "But they are so cute," he pleaded, "and it's just not practical, there's barely any meat on them, but I suppose some cultures are shocked that we eat cows and pigs." He was very relieved to hear about the chocolate factor.

21 comments:

Allison said...

You know, laxative chocolate hedgehogs would be great gifts to give to your enemies, really.

I'm so very, very glad I am not in a public space reading this, because I literally cackled, my stomach muscles are getting a workout!

Who thought that would be a good idea? Was there no other alternative? So no one will give them a try? I can't blame you, but I'm really tempted to find a Purdy's (actually I don't think they have them in Ontario) and find non laxative chocolate hedgehogs, they sound cute (I never thought I would actually type those words in the same sentence).

phlegmfatale said...

Go here to read a zombie Jesus story - it'll warm the cockroaches of your heart
http://hollys-hystrionics.blogspot.com/2007/04/heartwarming-easter-story.html

Wow, delicious AND a laxative? And they weren't sold out? Go figure.

phlegmfatale said...

With chocolates like that, who needs enemas?

I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.

mellowlee said...

I love hedgehogs! Not the sugarless ones tho!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I was wondering very similar things, Al, but didn't want to hold up the mega pre-Easter line too much by asking too many questions. I will find out though.
Yeah! hahaha - non-laxative chocolate hedgehogs! Never thought those particular words would ever enter into my lexicon, at least not all together like that.
I will keep you posted on when and if somebody cracks and tries one of those things.
Maybe we should save them for a spite gift.

With chocolates like that, who needs enemas?" - oh snap, PF! Post-Easter and you're still sharp as a tack.
I am intrigued re the zombie Jesus story - must read.

I have a feeling I wouldn't love the sugarless ones either, Mel. And we're all too chicken to see if they are any good.

Fearless said...

I don't think we even have chocolate hedgehogs in the US, perhaps they were banned in the 1920's due to the confusion between regular and laxative ones.

JustRun said...

Wait, what? We eat hedgehogs?

Danny Tagalog said...

Well, we had hedgehog flavoured crisps in England!

Leazwell said...

Great job with aqua bunny, Eva!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Fearless, it's a little known fact that the rum running that Al Capone was doing over the border was simply a cover for his lucrative laxative hedgehog business.

And there's barely any meat on them, Justrun! You need 6 or 7 of them to feed a family of 4.

Those are my favourite crisp flavour, Danny, right after sour cream and onion.

She's quite an inventive photographer, Leazwell (much like yourself), and that link will take you to some samples of her work.

kelly said...

sugarless ones are ok, but the real ones are much better. I've had a couple of those with no problems, and I even discovered more than a couple cups of coffee can be a laxative. Be brave try one

For future trips to Purdy's, the "Sweet Georgia Browns" are awesome

Evelyne said...

Who thought that it could be a good idea to invent laxative chocolate hedgehogs? DO they taste good?

But I love the Aquabunny montage!

Deb said...

Purdy's sugar filled, shit free chocolates are THE BEST. The laxative ones?...who at Purdy's decided it would be a good idea to put Ex Lax into hedgehog molds? Probably started as a prank and now the joke's on the customers.

Toccata said...

I think you need to wrap up them hedgehogs in a pretty bow and give them to the perfume lady and the weird short wearing prof. I'm sorry sugarless chocolate is just wrong.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Sweet Georgia Browns have been added to the shopping list, Kelly. The family guinea pig has tried one of those we bought, to no obvious ill effects.

I had a little nibble from Eva's, Evelyne, and they do taste very nice. I'd like to eat a real hedgehog sometime, well a real chocolate one anyway.

I think you've pegged it, Deb. It started as a prank and then of course they had this huge batch of laxatives to get rid of. Marketing stepped in and said "sell them as laxative diabetic chocolates, you dumb-asses." So they did.

That's a good idea, gifting them to the perfume lady and the shorts prof, Toccata, except that then all the other weirdos at work will expect me to keep them supplied in laxatives.

Will said...

Hedgehogs as a laxative ... that's just fascinating. Jesus died on the cross and then came back so that you could eat sugar free chocolate laxatives in the shape of hedgehogs. I think it's in the bible somewhere.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Corinthians 6.34, I think, Will:

"and yay so shall ye go forth and take of the animal which is neither flesh nor bread, but fruit of the cocoa and the rendered fat of the hoofed mammal, and so too shall that be neither sweetened with honey nor with the sweet stalk of the cane, but rather that which loosens the bowels as is God's will. Amen."

Jas Bhambra said...

Laxative hedgehogs!!!! Next time I buy from Purdy's I'll double check!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I think if you buy more than one the Purdy's laxative police sit you down and have the prevention talk with you, Jas.

Will said...

Somehow in my head, I'd swapped laxatives and afrodisiacs (sp?) ... what a mistake that would be???

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahahaha Will, that is not a mistake you want to be making before a big date!