Tuesday, March 20, 2007

You are the Brett Anderson of our generation

Some days you just really need to listen to a good sleazy band like Suede. Or better still, watch Brett Anderson slither around in a video.
- Suede: the Drowners -

There's a woman, who works in a lab down the hall, who really stinks. And she does it on purpose.
I think she aspires to be a fashion model. She's a young attractive woman with really good posture, who always wears fashion boots with impossibly high, impossibly narrow heels, and she struts down the hall like she's owning the catwalk. She favours tight jeans and turtlenecks and often has a scarf artfully draped around her neck. I can't understand the wisdom of wearing a scarf whilst working in a lab, and I'm pretty certain it circumvents WHMIS regulations, but if she can pull it off, she is certainly a better woman than I am. Hell, who am I trying to kid? I couldn't convincingly wear a scarf to save my life. I'd always be yanking at it like Rodney Dangerfield.
She's quite exotic really, this woman. From somewhere in eastern Europe. But she must absolutely douse herself in perfume every fifteen minutes. She wears some kind of really heavy cloying smell that has an exceptional half-life; she can walk down the hall and five to six minutes later you can still smell her. I'll bet she bought this perfume in Chernobyl or something.
Why do people do stuff like that? Do you think maybe she has no sense of smell? But then why would you take a chance and wear any perfume at all? Maybe she has an impaired sense of smell.

All I know is that I have continued on down the hall to the other bathroom when I have seen her heading into the one I was aiming for, because I do not want to spend any time in a confined space with her. I'm sure I would break out in hives. I'd sooner take my chances in the other bathroom that has an entirely different odour problem.


Allison said...

That is a good song to encapsulate the day. Nice choice.

I wear my pashmina when I'm inside (sometimes). I get cold really easily...and I'm afraid of vampires.

I think there should be a scent law. Strong perfume/colgone is the worst, people have to be able to smell it on themselves, I don't get it either. I bet she's one of those people who sprays it on their clothes, so it stays in longer. Although, that can be fun to do the spray and jump into the mist ;)

justacoolcat said...

I really cannot stand perfume dousers. I can't even walk down a perfume isle at a store so the perfume bath really hurts my head. Maybe she soaks her scarf at night. You know, just to be extra sexy.

Toccata said...

LOL on justacoolcat's thought that she soaks her scarf in perfume at night!

Heavy perfume distracts me in the same way as a car alarm that has gone off. It makes me irritable and I am suddenly possessed with an overwhelming desire to smack something.

Karen said...

Ug! I don't understand why on earth people do that. Sheesh! Funny you posted about this today Barbara as I wrote a similar (sort of) rant on my blog this morning! Great minds, eh?

mellowlee said...

Im lucky that there is a policy at work for no perfume. That is the worst!!! I love the way pashminas and scarves look, but Im always losing them! They just fall off of me and I dont even notice til hours later when they are long gone! I guess Im pashmina impaired ;)

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It just felt like a Suede kinda day today, Allison, which doesn't really happen to me very often.
I admire people who can wear a scarf, honest and for true, but am just too much of a dweeb to be able to pull it off myself.
There are scent regulations in some places where a lot of people have scent allergies, like nursing homes. I don't understand wearing perfume myself.

I can't walk through perfume sections of stores either, JustA! I have to either go around the long way or hold my breath and run for it.
I think she has one of those humidors at home, only instead of cigars,she stores her scarves and (open) perfume bottles.

Car alarms, leaf blowers,and perfume-abusers - throw them all in the slammer, Toccata. They are a pox on decent society!

How very odd that we both ripped on perfume-abusers today, Karen. We must live in parallel universes or something.

Pashmina is really slippy isn't it, Mel? If I had one, it too would be lost in no time. Plus I always feel so idiotic when I try to wear a scarf.
No perfume policies are actually a pretty great idea. And how often do those happen at work?

lulu said...

I have tried to wear scarves, but I'm way too klutzy and most of the time I end up comeing close to strangling myself. I do wear my pashminas frequently, but those are more like blankets.

I was taught that the proper way to put on perfume is to spray it into the air and walk through it, once. I wear perfume everyday, but I seriously doubt that more than one or two people ever smell it. Besides me that is.

BeckEye said...

God, I hate the perfume addicts. It's like when they stop smelling themselves, are they fearing that they've actually ceased to exist and need to pour that garbage all over themselves to remind them and everyone else that they're still there?

John Mutford said...

Men are just as bad. Drowning themselves in Axe and then being hounded by hoardes of bimbos. The whole situation is just wrong.

Seriously I thought most work places had gone scent free.

Anonymous said...

chyIt's possible she uses it at a deodorant as well. I had an aunt who splashed Taboo under her arms. Heave! However, given her background, it may just be a cultural thing and she may naturally gravitate to heavy musky scents.

But you know what hacks me more than her overuse of scent is the scarf in the lab. I don't know, between the scarf and dousing in perfume she's striking a "pretty" combustable pose. I apologize, that was so so bad.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Hi Lulu, welcome!

I understand completley on the scarf strangling issue. I can't wear potentially dangerous clothes either. Blankets are okay as long as I stay away from open flames and fragile items while wearing one.
If you are a responsible perfume user, I have absolutely no issues with you and thank you for your good sense and restraint.

Good point, Beckeye. It never occured to me before that it could be an addiction, exacerbated by low a self-image. You could be a psychologist to the perfume-addicted!

Apparently not, John. Actually they don't really care how we damage ourselves in my workplace, as long as we keep paying our parking.
Argh - teenage boys with Axe - don't even get me started!

Sort of like the ancient practice of using spices to cover the smell of rotting meat, Leazwell? Okay maybe that analogy is too strong. However,YOU win the groan award for the combustible pose comment. Well done, you.

Anonymous said...

karen..you do know the corollory to the great minds thing don't you?....i won't say it somebody else please do

Anonymous said...

i don't mind some perfumes, seems the ones that i dislike are the ones that they douse in...must be cause they get a gallon for the same price as the teeny tiny nice ones...

i always thought that perfume should be something you only noticed if you were really close....like hugging...or.... never mind....digressing here

Joe said...

I've always thought that your perfume or cologne should only be smelled by someone who's burying his/her face in your chest/shoulder/nape of your neck. You should smell good for your intimate associates, not someone 4 veal fattening pens over.

Anonymous said...

Barb, I'm with you on the perfume topic. I still gag remembering my kindly father-in-law, doused in Brut,joining me for breakfast in my pregnant days. Indiscriminate users of 's also belong in the slammer. Ok, Kelly, I'll say it. Fools seldom differ

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Kelly (and Berni) if Karen and I be fools, well I can think of worse company with which to be foolish. Foolishness is highly under-rated.

I don't mind the fresh light-smelling ones, Kelly, but it seems it the heavy ones that are designed to cover the scent of a rotting body that they sell in 10 gallon jugs.

"4 veal fattening pens over"? hahaha Where HAVE you been hanging out, Bubs?

That must have been so special for you, Berni. I'll bet you feel pregnant every time you smell Brut.
And don't even get me started on the faulty use of the apostrophe!

Deb said...

Chernobyl perfume...nice. Sometimes less is more.

668 aka neighbour of the beast said...

i remember having the perfume ban conversation at work. one of my co-workers had serious breathing issues and issues with a certain perfume wearer. especially because she would reapply it at lunch time. i almost threw up in the bathroom and i am known for my weak sense of smell. anyways, idiot boss, was all like, what does she want me to do? i can't tell her she's wearing too much perfume. umm, yes, actually you can. that's part of your job. making sure you staff can breathe!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'd actually say that less is always more, Deb.

That boss sounds like a chicken shit, 668. Intimidated by the perfume!

JustRun said...

Ugh, gag. Maybe someone should tell her... not that it would make a difference.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I wonder if anyone in her lab has actually mentioned something to her JustRun. I'll bet everyone is waiting for someone else to say something.

Dale said...

Bubs makes good sense here, well so does everyone else really. I've gotten up and moved train cars on the way to work to rid myself of other people's perfumes and colognes. Just bathe occasionally people!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Dale - On the front page of the paper today, there was a story of a woman in Calgary who was refused access to a transit bus because her perfume was overwhelming. I say go bus driver!