Friday, February 23, 2007

and THAT is why I never clean the house

... because once I start, I mean really start, not just a fast pickup and a wipe, I cannot stop until I drop dead in a big puddle of sweat. It's nice to know that my obsessive-compulsive tendancies can be used for the powers of good, but this is just retarded.

So you know we're having this big party tomorrow night. And we are expecting about 40 people, all of whom could be expected to scrutinize our slovenly lives, if they so desire, so some cleaning was certainly required.

Our first mistake was changing all the burned out lightbulbs in the entranceway and the hallways leading to the bathrooms, which of course nicely highlighted just how scuzzy the walls were. It's the domino effect at its most evil here. My fingers are worn to nubs, my face looks like a ripe tomato, and there is sweat dripping off my head. But my fuck, the house looks GUUUUUD! In fact, I'm thinking I will not allow anybody in the house after all.

I cheated on my Friday random playlist this week. I needed something lively to get me through the house cleaning, and my computer started out with the Be Good Tanyas and then Ron Sexsmith, who are all very fine musicians, but they just don't cut it as house cleaning companions.
Instead, I put my (now 8 hour) party playlist on random. Now that's what I'm talking about:

1. Me and the Major - Belle and Sebastian
2. Small Parts - the Oohlas
3. Planet Claire - the B-52's
4. the Fallen - Franz Ferdinand
5. Girlfriend in a Coma - the Smiths
6. the Looks - MSTRKRFT
7. Ring the Bells - James
8. I Love You, Hipster Darling - the Awkward Stage
9. Confessions of a Futon-Revolutionist - the Weakerthans
10. Gold Lion - Yeah Yeah Yeahs


~Jen~ said...

I do that too...once i start im like FUCKKKKKKKKK I CANT STOPPPP
I usually start 14 jobs and FLAIL all day to get half done then the last 7 im thinking SCREW THIS and give up

Allison said...

Damn light, making us see stuff and all. I hope everything goes swimmingly for you guys tomorrow night. Just make sure everyone takes off their shoes, as not to drag slush through the freshly clean house. Is that a Canadian thing, taking off our shoes? My American relatives always laugh at that.

Sidenote, Cuff the Duke was awesome (again) tonight, but the opening band really stole the show, The D'Urbevilles, heard of them? I was impressed.

Mellowlee said...

WOoooHOoo that's some random party list :O) I am sweating just thinkin about all that housework. Planning on doing some spring cleaning myself this weekened. Hope you have a blast at your party, and you don't have to resort to the pj thing HEee!

Dale said...

Never disturb the dust, it's my motto. Hey, nice clean list you're sporting there Barbara. I was listening to 'Hipster Darling' yesterday. Hope you and everyone else have a great time.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

And it's always the same 7 that get half done, isn't it, Jen? But yeah, it's like this insane cleaning monster takes over. Finally I start looking up the number for an exorcist. Good thing it only happens every couple of years.

I can't imagine NOT taking off my shoes when entering someone's house, Al. Don't they have mud and slush in the US? It's a custom in Japan to take your shoes off as well, and I imagine in a number of other places.
Thanks for letting me know about the concert, because you know I am dying to hear details. I HAVE heard of the D'Urbervilles (and not just because we read Tess of the D'Urbervilles in school) but I can't remember where - probably DNTO or maybe Radio 3. Isn't it the best thing EVER when the opener surprises and delights like that? Yay!

Mel, I think by now I have everybody so scared that I will kick them out at midnight or something (at least those who read this blog) that everyone will leave at 10:00 to avoid getting the pj and toothbrush treatment. I sure hope not though!
We only ever clean the house when we are expecting company. It's like we are not good enough to deserve a clean house or something.

That is one of my rules to live by as well, Dale. As long as nobody touches anything, the dust looks like. Unfortunately someone touched something the other day, leading to the aforementioned frenzy.
It is a clean list though, isn't it, well maybe Hipster Darling is a trifle dirty.

WolfHeart RavenHorse said...

I am looking forward to the toothbrush and pj party at midnight! You won't get me out of the house before then! You are such a silly girl! You realize that most people don't even notice whether the house if clean or not right? The party is about you and Jer, not the house...well I guess it's sort of about the house this time...but... hehe Only Eliz will notice the house! hehe Just kidding ya!!

I can't wait for tonight! We're going to party like it's 1999! Rockin to the James Blunt! OHHHH YAAA! lol

See ya later!


Karen said...

I'll make you dinner if you come up here and clean my apartment for me. Guaranteed its smaller than your house :)

~Jen~ said...

sniff sniff...i wanna come to your party

justacoolcat said...

I have a mixmaster friend that released a soundscape a few years ago called "Music to Vacuum by" and it's great for cleaning.

Random doesn't cut it for cleaning up the house. (or so I'm told)

Do you really not have an email on your site? How can I send you fan mail or ask you deep personal questions like what belt goes with my shoes?

John Mutford said...

Great list- though I'm unfamiliar with the Oohlas. How'd the party go?

Maureen said...

Oh god, I've been cleaning like that for the last couple of days even though the kids keep coming behind me and messing it up again - damn!

JustRun said...

I LOVE that I am not the only one that has a house cleaning play list. Isn't it funny how others can help us feel so "normal?" Yeah!

Deb said...

I had three days off this weekend and had planned on doing some lightbulb stuff off my own. Now my temp's 108 and snot keeps making me wet and the dust is choking me so I have to live with the filth a bit longer. Can I hire you?

Barbara said...

How was the Party?

I could use the house cleaning muse... who knew it can be triggered by a Lightbulb...

All I did last night was go with E to George's Hockey game. The Chart Attack lost 2-4 but it was a good game.

She's Crafty said...

Perfect list for cleaning. I have decided that my closet needs an overhaul yet again. I haven't started this job b/c its going to get crazy.

Though I should mention that I just might be going to see the Constantines w/ Ladyhawk in April.
Yeah, I'm excited. The company won't be too terrible either!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That was such a blast,Bev! I'm so glad you and Lar joined us, even though you failed to bring the James Blunt cd hahaha.
And I was pretty grateful that the Marthas didn't give the place the white glove test after all, although Eliz could have been doing so on the sly.

It's a deal, Karen. You will have to wait a couple of years until I get my next cleaning bug.

You SHOULD have come to the party, Jen. That would have been totes fun, and besides we have all kinds of food and booze left over.

The alligator belt goes with those white shoes of course, JustA. I'm shocked you didn't know that. Thanks for the heads up on the lack of emailage - a box somehow became unchecked when they switched me over to new coke. Tis all fixed now so I am eagerly awaiting more advice queries.
Music to Vacuum By sounds brilliant!

The Oohlas are quite unique sounding, John. A good fresh indy sound. I heard about them from Allison who I think heard about them from Will.
The party was really fun. You shoulda been here.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Maureen, there is absolutely no point in doing that insane level of cleaning until the kids have grown up and moved out.

One of us is in big trouble if I made you feel normal, JustRun. I'm not sure which but surely this can lead to no good.

Aww you poor thing Deb! Some would say that getting sick on the weekend is nature's way of telling you to leave the lightbulbs alone, but I wouldn't be so insensitive.
I hope people don't start getting the idea that I either enjoy or am good at cleaning, but both are untrue. I won't clean again now for at least 3 years.

Lightbulbs are evil, Barbara W, only serving to throw light on our shortcomings, and forcing us to face reality.
You went to George's hockey game? Better watch it, he's going to start thinking you are stalking him lol.

Didn't you just overhaul your closet a few months ago, Serah? Way to stay on top of things!
You are going to love the Cons show! I've seen them twice and they were so rocking and passionate both times. They are fabulous live.
They're coming to Calgary as well, but playing at a really scuzzy club, which is adult only. I'm really disappointed in that.