Friday, December 15, 2006

You better watch out, I'm telling you why...

I tried to buy men's underwear today.

Jerry's mom always used to buy him new socks and underwear at Christmas and I thought I would take over the tradition, not that I am trying to be his mother, you can put that thought right out of your head. But it seems like such a useful ubiquitous gift, except if you are Paris Hilton or Britney Spears, I guess.

When we were still living in London and used to spend Christmas with Jerry's mom and dad, one year we brought along a friend of ours who had just moved to town and wasn't going home for Christmas.
Jerry's parents quite liked Darryll Dicks, but they could never get a handle on his name. "Harold" was as close as they could get, or sometimes they called him "Dick" or "Rudy" (because he was a ginger). But they couldn't seem to pronounce "Darryll", although being big Toronto Maple Leaf fans, they had no problems with the name Darryl Sittler. Drop the "Sittler" off there, though, and they were lost.

So this one Christmas that Darryll joined us, Jerry's mom bought Darryll a stack of socks and underwear as well. It's what the boys got. And the tag, which I believe Darryll still has to this day, read:
to Dick,
love Ma

Anyhoo, in the boy's underwear department today, I got a little freaked out, not only by the selection, but also by the packaging. Now I know how men feel if you send them to the drugstore to buy tampons.

I swear some of those packages were digitally enhanced. One in particular had a 3-D effect in the most pertinent location, if you know what I'm sayin'. I kinda wanted to touch it to see if it actually was 3-D, but I was afraid to in case the store security cameras caught me perving out in the men's undie department. I don't want that on my permanent record.

In the end, I left without buying any undies. It was too overwhelming. He's just getting socks.

**

This week's Friday random shuffle spat this out at me:

1. Munich - Editors

2. California - Stan Rogers

3. Saints - the Breeders

4. Coyote - Joni Mitchell (I think Media Player has a crush on Joni)

5. Backdrifts - Radiohead

6. A Summer Wasting - Belle and Sebastian

7. Deep One Perfect Morning - Jesus and Mary Chain

8. In My Place - Coldplay (ouch, that's a trifle embarassing)

9. Anchorless - the Weakerthans

10. Souvenirs - Christine Fellows (wow that's weird, seeing as Christine Fellows is married to John K Samson of the Weakerthans; isn't it cute how they stick together? See, Media Player is all-knowing).

Have a great Friday night, all you beautiful creatures.

I'm done my Christmas shopping, nyah nyah nyah nyah.!

Time for a big-assed glass of red wine.

28 comments:

justacoolcat said...

I came for the pictures but stayed for the "to Dick,love Ma".

Hilarious!

You're done with your shopping?

I had my big ass glass of red wine after work and now I'm going to finish shopping.

Allison said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Allison said...

LMFAO at the 'to Dick, love ma' tag, and the idea of a 3D effect...seriously, sides hurting.

I've always been from the school that if a guys can go into the drug store and buy tampons, he's surely a keeper.

Lovely Friday top 10...JAMC, Editors, Belle and Sebastian. Nice.

And done shopping? I haven't started, but we're doing Christmas on the 29th...I gots time. I also intercepted a phone call today that I shouldn't have. A gift for me...I heard the word turntable, then made the guy stop and call back to leave a msg then I plugged my ears.

I hope you have a good week Barb. Look forward to reading your posts when I return :)

Rositta said...

After a really shitty day you a gave me a big chuckle, my sides are aching. thanks

Dale said...

Excellent work on the music list and not getting caught going all pervy on the packaging so to speak.

Can we all switch Christmas to the 29th with Allison so I can put off shopping yet another few days?

Anonymous said...

If you ask me, they should just take the pictures off the packaging altogether. As a male, even one who claims to be secure in his heterosexuality, it makes me rush through my underwear shopping. Then I get home and find I have a pair 5 sizes too big just because I didn't want to be staring at another guys gnads for too long.

Is there a g in gnads?

Anonymous said...

somewhere early on in a relationship it gets established i will never ever ever buy those things...phone a girlfriend, whatever, put a sock in it but don't ask......but...i have bought lingeree before....i tihnk i walked past the store door a dozen times before going in...

go to work warehouse...spend 20 bucks get him 3 pairs he's happy

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Depending on the size of the ass on that glass of wine, you should be able to breeze through the rest of your shopping, JACC. God speed!

I think that's probably not a bad tape measure of a man, Allison, but to be honest, I've never actually made that request.
You lucky dog, you've got days more than anyone else - well except the Ukanians.
You are such a good daughter, plugging your ears about the alleged turntable. Oh I hope it's the one you've been covetting; can't wait to find out.
You have a great trip, Allison. I miss you already.

Ouch, sorry I didn't mean to cause you any pain, Rositta! Hope your weekend is much better than today.

I think Allison is on the right track there as well, Dale. But at least we are not in the dire straits that were described in the community association newsletter we received today, which read:
"The last day before Christmas will be December 15, 2006" - which makes today Christmas Eve!

Let's decree that there is a g in gnads, John.
I hear you completely! Those pictures make me really uncomfortable, but it's hard to find the right pack when you have one hand over your eyes.

First, let me clarify, Kelly, that I have never asked a man to buy me shovies and I never will. The same will be true when I will eventually need diaper changes, but that's another topic.
Women's lingerie would also be discomforting to buy for someone else, but you have to admit that at least the sticking out bits on the pictures are a little less threatening.

Anonymous said...

"to Dick, love ma" That's too funny and sounds just like parents. I can't think at the moment, I think I need to go pour myself a nice big glass of red wine and then maybe some thoughts will pop into my head. Well, probably not but the wine will make me think otherwise!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You need a nice large glass of wine after that weather,Toccata! I hope all is safe with you.

Ben said...

I always wonder about the pictures on mens briefs too. Too many mountains, not enough canyons.

Nice tag, LOL.

Have a great relaxing weekend Barbara.

mellowlee said...

Heehee, the underwear story made me laugh. I needed that :D
Wow, I wish I was done my shopping! I don't really have much to do, just for Dev and Sean, but hopefully I will get 'er done tomorow! (me and my friend Jen are constantly saying GET ER DONE) at work after that cable guy and they we howl. People think we are cracked.

I wish I was there to partake in the wine with u!!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I suspect those men's briefs photos are enhanced, Ben. It's good to have this suspicion verified by an honest man. Now we know that women are not the only ones subjected to to false advertising.
Hope your weekend is relaxing as well. No more trips, I hope.

I wish you were here to partake in the wine with me too, Mel. We could no doubt have planned out a strategy about the remainder of your shopping so you could GET ER DONE - lolz!

mellowlee said...

Heehee! And here I sit making mixed CDs for my sister instead of braving the hoards of Christmas shoppers. I want to make her a dozen whipped shortbread cookies too and I will send it all with Devon. I suppose I better get my arse in gear. I hope you're having a great weekend xoxo ...now let's GET ER DOOONE! XD

Barbara Bruederlin said...

The war cry of the Christmas-makers, Mel - Let's GET ER DONE! I'm going to wrap some presents today and make some cookies tomorrow.

mellowlee said...

MMMMMMMM Cookies!! what kinds are you making?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm going to make shortbread - which Eva and I make and have a blast decorating every year - and a slice called Wendy's Hello Dollies.

You're making whipped shortbread,Mel? mmmmmmmmmmm!!!

Anonymous said...

OMG that made me laugh! I could picture you in the men's undies aisle looking over your shoulder for cameras, hahahaha!

Thanks for the giggle.

Anonymous said...

OMG that made me laugh! I could picture you in the men's undies aisle looking over your shoulder for cameras, hahahaha!

Thanks for the giggle.

Anonymous said...

OMG that made me laugh! I could picture you in the men's undies aisle looking over your shoulder for cameras, hahahaha!

Thanks for the giggle.

Anonymous said...

wow 3 times thats a serious laugh maureen

Anonymous said...

Barbara's blog HATES me....

Anonymous said...

Barbara's blog HATES me....

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Good lord! My blog really does hate you, doesn't it, Maureen? Either that or it has a crush on you and wants to repeat everything you say. Yah, that's it...

That is some serious laughing going on, Kelly.

kellly said...

whipped shortbread mmm, melt in your mouth goodness, those and some peanut butter cookies, soft ginger cookies, double chocolate with choclate mint chips in, minced meat tarts (home made minced meat of course) and butter tarts.....if you all make just one thing...and only an extra dozen of each....you can send em my way

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm drooling onto the keyboard, Kelly. If I get electrocuted, it's your fault. Man, I want some cookies right now, but I'd better go exercise instead. Yuck.

Anonymous said...

he he he underpants 4 xmas is da bomb.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I wish someone would buy me underpants for Christmas, Jen! That would be great.