Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Psssttt ... wanna see something really gross?

Do you remember my finger? The one with the suspected case of necrotizing fasciitis? Well, it's the coolest thing: the inflammation has localized over to one side and the other day started turning green. I was showing everyone at work and they all asked me why I didn't pop it, but there was nothing to pop; there was no head. Today, however it finally ripened to a head and I am pretty excited about it.
These pictures actually illustrate my abysmal photography skills more than they do my amazing abscess, but I never claimed to be a good one-handed photographer. Blurriness aside, it's actually considerably greener than shown. Objects in the mirror may be greener than they appear.
I had to go grocery shopping on the way home and I was so concerned that I was going to bang my finger on a sack of potatoes and pop the damn thing before I got photographic evidence, but I managed to deliver my little friend home unscathed.
Isn't it glorious in all its pussiness? And it has gotten even bigger since I took these photos! This is physiology in action, folks! T cells are so cool. Macrophages are pretty neat too.
I should entertain wagers on when this thing is going to blow.
Update Update: Sorry, it appears there will be no film footage of the blessed event. I had just finished cleaning up after supper and I asked Eva if she was ready to film because the green finger was all softened up from the hot water, when I looked down at the finger - premature ejaculation.
I feel like the cameraman working on the Ten Commandments film who missed the crucial one-time shot (with a cast of thousands) of the parting of the Red Sea.
"How did the shot go?"
"Ready when you are, Mr. DeMille!"

++

It's warming up! It's only about -20C and all the ice is starting to melt off the windows. Good thing I'm home today to do the towel thing or there'd be puddles all over the floor, because those were some solidly frozen windows. Sputnik is also helping, of course. She thinks the water flowing down the windows is solely for her entertainment.

So in honour of the return of the sun, here are a couple of Belle and Sebastian songs that always make me feel cozy. Because Scotland is such a tropical country, you know.

I Know Where the Summer Goes and the song that Eva and I were bellowing along with in the car this morning, Lazy Line Painter Jane

36 comments:

Allison said...

hahaha..."Objects in the mirror may be greener than they appear"
Attack of the green monster! Does it hurt at all? Its hard to take one handed photos of your hands, I've tried to take one of my wrist (to capture my tat)...turned out all blurry and such.

Nothing like little waterfalls down the windows to brighten the day. Glad its getting 'warmer.' We're continuing in a parallel universe here, its about 15 today, wtf?

mellowlee said...

Oh my goooodness. It doesn't hurt does it? I hope not! It is fassy-nating :)
Aw, I can imagine Sputty chasing the riverlettes of water down the window pane. So cute!

Karen said...

Can we get some video footage of the actual popping? Now THAT should be on Youtube.

Wow, I just had a look at our forcast and it's reached a fantastic -19C up here although the weather network says it feels like -26. I don't think my windows will have defrosted today.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's hurting a little bit now, Allison and Mel, because the skin is really starting to stretch.

It's good to know that hands will not be photographed, Allison. I have a whole new respect for hand models now. Although I don't imagine they take their own photos.
+15C? What's that?

Sputty loves windows, Mel. When there is just frost on them, she licks herself a clear spot so that she can look out. She's a very responsible cat.

haha Eva and I were discussing that very idea this morning, Karen! I'll see what I can do.
We're supposed to hit -1C tomorrow! Much as they make my sinuses explode, sometimes you have to love chinooks.

Allison said...

Yes, gross video please!!

Hands are also the hardest to draw as well. If they weren't so damn helpful, they'd be useless...wait, that made no sense.

yes, plus 15...ridic really.

ems said...

-20C! I said it seemed cold today and, err, well, emm, it was 11C in London. Perhaps I should just shut up.

ems said...

ps. I've never seen a green finger before. That's impressive. Does it hurt?

Jas Bhambra said...

I hope it becomes better, Barb.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I shall get my crack team of photogs working on the gross video, Allison.
It's hard to feel Christmassy at +15, isn't it? But then I don't at -2o either, so perhaps temperature isn't really a factor.

Hi ems, welcome! But we have a dry cold here, you see. Makes all the difference in the world, or at least that's what we keep telling ourselves.
I'm pleased that you are impressed with the green finger. It hurts a bit.

Thanks Jas! It will heal when it's ready I guess.

Barbara said...

yuck.. I just ate then I came here...
I'll be back later.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahahaha!!! Sorry, Barbara W!

Allison said...

Laughing my ass off at the 'premature ejaculation' comment, that it warrents the non acronym use. Damn, another thing soiled by time. Does it at least hurt less now?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It was simultaneously dissapointing and funny, Allison, sort of like the real thing.
The finger never really hurt all that much, but feels a trifle raw.

Anonymous said...

Damn premature ejaculation!

Ben Heller said...

Are you turning into The Hulk Barbara ?

It's like one of those old black and white B movies "The Curse Of Green Finger". Do we get to see the money shot ?

Deb said...

I laughed my ass off...the premature ejaculation was very fitting. My god, I've never been so entertained by someone's puss. Aren't we a sorry lot?!!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I know, Toccata! It does nothing but cause grief!

Missed the money shot, Ben, but I do like the idea of turning into the Hulk. Just don't get me angry!

"nver been so entertained by someone's puss" hahaha it is sad, isn't it, Deb. I fear I'm turning into Jerry Springer.

WolfHeart RavenHorse said...

EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

justacoolcat said...

premature puss ejaculation, The Ten Commandments, Tongues on Frozen poles . . .

It must be ratings week.

I'd suggest adding a shark post.

tydes said...

Yummy.

Just imagine the theme to James Bond's Goldfinger...

GREENFINGER... DA DAAAAA DA!

Yeah, I'm a looooser.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahahaaha!!!!! Sorry Bev!!!!

You make a very good point about the sharks, JACC. I'm going to have to incorporate some. I was just going to have Pamela Anderson do some ads for us.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Sorry, Jeff, I missed you there!
Actually, had we been able to capture the money shot on film that would have made great theme music. Either that or some 70s porn music.

phlegmfatale said...

Please tell me the blessed event didn't happen in the dishwater. *L* That looks spectacular - I marvel that you resisted so long - it would have driven me bat-shit to wait!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It was post-dishwater that the eruption occured, thankfully, Phlegmfatale. It was making me crazy not to take action, but I held out for the sake of my art.

Anonymous said...

Good thing you look good in green ;)

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahaaha, and I think I got my best side too there, Maureen!

phlegmfatale said...

Earth holds few marvels to compete with the glory that is a good pus-letting. (Un)fortunately for me, I've never been the pimply, spot-getting type, but I have looked with admiration at the raging caldera of another human's eruptions, and I wonder what it must be like to sport that little mini-volcano and yet resist. Frankly, I'd never make it to that stage, having already performed self-surgery. I know. I'm sick.

Reminds me of a particularly moving (as in stomach-moving) passage from Jim Carroll's superb The Downtown Diaries. I'll never think of a boil the same way again.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I am so chuffed that you understand that beyond the repulsiveness of pus, there is something fascinating about it, Phlegmfatale. When you look at it biologically, inflammation is truly a marvel.
I must check out the Downtown Diaries. I'm now intrigued.

Will said...

Oh wow crazy. Hillary's got a finger thing too. What is in the air?

phlegmfatale said...

Yeah, Barbara - jim is writing about how he's trying to kick heroin (it's like the early 70s) and there's this carbuncle on his forearm that simply won't heal and has turned into a festering metaphor for his great struggle. Anyway, it liberates itself in a very splashy, public sort of forum - I need to re-read that - you know how some things you read & adored in your twenties are a little trite when you re-visit them after maturity & your irony chip have kicked in? But for now, in my mind, in my memory -it's golden.

Leazwell said...

What a tease, not showing us the eruption or AT LEAST penning a good description. I must say I would have been alarmed by the color. I mean, green, things are getting pretty ripe! I have a feeling this is gong to spawn a post on my blog.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

What a weird coincidence, Will! See if you can convince Hillary to videotape hers!

Your irony chip has kicked in - oh well said, Phlegmfatale! It does sound rather glorious though, and what a good metaphor for a novel.

I thought most people (obviously you are made of sterner stuff) needed a break from the gory details, Leazwell. The finger quickly went to a boring scab (which biologicially is still fantastic though).
I would certainly read more on your blog though.

kees said...

Barb is it wrong that I'm quite jealous of your puss-filled delight? Shame about the video :(

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Somehow I knew you would appreciate the glory of the abscess, Kees.

Christina Henninger said...

omg! I have the same thing! what IS IT?!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's weird, isn't it, Christina? As far as I could tell, it was just a localized infection around a small nick or something. Just watch that it doesn't spread...