Oh Alberta, don't hate Saskatchewan,
- Oh Alberta, Elliott Brood
Gopher-gate has been all the talk around the water coolers here the last few days. Tomorrow is the Western Conference semi-final game in the CFL (Canadian Football League, for the uninitiated), in which the winner of the game between the Calgary Stampeders and the Saskatchewan Roughriders, played in Calgary, will advance. The Stampeders always travel with a horse and whenever they score a touchdown, the horse takes a victory lap around the field. The Roughriders have a similar creature called Gainer the Gopher, who, in a move that shocked the world and threatened the very stability of our nation, has been refused admittance to the field at McMahon stadium tomorrow.
Now you have to understand that Roughrider fans are among the most zealous you will ever encounter, and because Saskatchewan is traditionally a province of out-migration, Rider fans are located throughout the country and they never, ever lose their enthusiasm. So you can imagine the controversy this pronouncement caused. It even went to the level of provincial premiers, with Ralph Klein of Alberta stating that Alberta works hard to maintain its rat-free status and that vermin such as gophers are not welcome either, and with Lorne Calvert of Saskatchewan countering that on the very rare occasion that the Stampeders score a touchdown, they are not prevented from having their horse go around the football field, even though that can be quite a mess to clean up.
Oh it's a dog fight!
The Grey Cup game will be held in Winnipeg this year on November 19, and if you have ever been to Winnipeg in mid-November, you will know that it is not the most hospitable place in the world to sit outside to watch a football game. People are going to be pissed on brandy and bundled up in snowmobile suits. Sort of like when my brother went to the Grey Cup last time it was held in Winnipeg, but that, my friends, is a whole other story.
Now, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, having grown up in Winnipeg, and I am hoping that Winnipeg will win the Eastern Conference. I know, you are saying, "wait a minute, Winnipeg is in the east?", but you have to understand that you have more fingers than the poor struggling CFL has teams, so Winnipeg gets to be an eastern team just to even the sides out. I am hoping really hard that the Grey Cup will be a matchup between the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Winnipeg Blue Bombers - two teams which have a brutal historical rivalry - in Winnipeg. It will be the best thing in the history of best things.
My mom, who does not understand how the game of hockey (the simplest most straightforward game in existence) works, always used to listen to the Bomber games on the radio. I can barely grasp the intricacies of football while watching the game, and yet she used to listen to the games and enjoy them. But she doesn't get hockey.
So tomorrow, my loyalties will lie firmly with the Saskatchewan Roughriders and I'm hoping that Gainer the Gopher disguises himself with a Groucho Marx moustache or something and sneaks his way onto the field, or that all the Saskatchewan fans who have poured into the city all wear Gainer the Gopher costumes and totally subvert the game.
Go Gainer, go little guy!
I have no socks.
Every morning this week I opened my sock drawer and pulled out a pair and one of them would have a hole in the bottom. Now I'm down to the horrible ones that I never wear because they are too loose or too tight or are made of yucky slippery material or they bunch up inside my shoes. I wish it was summer so I didn't have to wear socks, but I guess I'm going to have to suck it up and make a trip to the evil Wal*Mart because it is also the only place I know that has a sewing section and I also have no buttons left on any of my winter coats.
God I hate wearing clothes!