Some Days I'm Just Happy to Make It Home Alive
To the woman driving the Toyota Tercel, license plate YXM801, northbound on 14 Street SW yesterday around 8:15 am, those of us who share the road with you, would appreciate if you could put down your god damned cell phone for a moment and stop reading those papers while you are driving. I think the people in the lane next to you, whom you repeatedly almost swerved into as you leaned over the passenger seat to shuffle pages (with the cell phone still firmly attached to the side of your head), would particularly appreciate if you could pull the fuck over to conduct your business. Personally I am glad I was behind you, not beside you.
To the woman who was behind me in the lane reversal stretch of Memorial Drive yesterday afternoon, you are clearly fucking insane.
For those of you who weren't there, allow me to elucidate. Firstly I should explain that the City of Calgary, in all their wisdom, decided to help the westbound flow of traffic in the evening, by imposing a lane reversal along Memorial Drive. Between 3:30 and 6:00pm, there are now three lanes flowing west and one lane creeping east. Guess which direction I drive during that time?
The problem of course, starts quite a ways before we actually go down to one lane, as many people whip out into the left (disappearing lane) rather than wait in the right (good guys') lane, so that they can cut in at the point ot cutoff. This will always happen everytime you have a disappearing lane (of which we are blessed with several) because essentially people are arseholes. So those of us creeping along in the good guys' lane keep a very short distance between us and the car in front so that those ignorant bastards can't cut in, because after half a year of this nonsense, we are tired of it.
Yesterday I heard somebody honking while we were creeping along and I thought to myself, why would someone be honking, we're not even moving? After a bit, I noticed the vehicle behind me was really really close to my bumper (like, a hair away) and then the honking started up again, and it was the car behind me. By this time we had passed the cutoff point, so we were now down to one lane of traffic.
And that's when the driver behind me really started to go nuts. She laid on the horn continuously, while weaving her SUV from side to side, all the while within inches of my bumper. I started to believe that she must have been having a medical emergency and was honking for assistance, and was ready to go check on her, but then we stopped at the red light and I caught a glimpse of her face in the side mirror and she looked fine, just really pissed off, and I thought there's no way I'm getting out of this vehicle.
I really am puzzled by what she thought she could accomplish. Even if she was having some kind of crisis, there was nowhere for her (or the rest of us to go). To our right was a sidewalk, to our left was oncoming traffic. Did she expect me to go up on the sidewalk to allow her to pass? And if so, what about the other 45 cars in line in front of me? What the hell was she thinking?
If you are amazed by the increasing amount of assholery you are witnessing on the road, here is a nice mellow driving song for you. It's by Novillero, who are generally really energetic and whose live show is really very lively indeed, thanks in no small part to the wild enthusiasm of their slightly pudgy tambourine player.
I'm going to see them again next week, when they play with the New Pornographers. Yay!
Let's Pull Over Here - Novillero
Get music codes at Bolt.