Sunday, October 29, 2006

I know you might roll your eyes at
this, but I'm so glad that you exist
- The Reasons
- the Weakerthans
The end of the month is fast approaching. It's time to take stock of what's been happening during October and, shamelessly ripping off Chart Magazine's Grist 13 and Shitty 7, present what has been stellar and less than stellar this month.
May I present the monthly Shit and Shine List:
snow. This is what we woke up to this mornng and it's been snowing all damn day. I am getting too old for this shit; snow no longer holds any charm for me whatsoever.
My daily commute has just automatically gone from 1.5 hours to 2 hours and then I've gotta shovel the shit whenI get home.
Now I can appreciate why old Canadians move to BC, Florida and Arizona.
stretch limousines. Who thought it was a good idea to design these monstrosities anyway?
Did someone really think that these looked attractive or dignified? All I see when I look at one of these, besides conspicuous consumption and unnecessary gas-guzzling, is powder blue rented tuxedos and bad perms.
And on the topic of cars, why am I suddenly seeing pumpkin-coloured cars everywhere? At firstI thought they were unique and cute, but now they just freak me out.
switch from daylight savings time. There are aproximately 234,876 clocks in our house that need changing twice a year.
people talking about Christmas before Hallowe'en. Just stop that!
Jared Leto. 30 Seconds to Mars is a crap band and Jared Leto still thought it was okay to call my niece and her friends bitches when they asked for his autograph. Jared, you're a knob and your band sucks.
I hear that Mr Leto will be on The Hour this week. I hope George calls him Jordan Catalano, because I understand that really pisses him off now that he's a fancy frontman. Throw spitballs at your TV!
that extra hour of sleep with the switch from daylight savings time. More than makes up for all the clocks that need changing.
neighbours who shovel your sidewalk before you have a chance to. It's always a race to see who can get the sidewalk cleared first in front of their house and the neighbour on either side. That is civilization, my friend.
the Decemberists make me glad to be alive. As long as people can make music like that, the world is still a beautiful place.
carpooling conversations with Eva. You know it's going to be a good day when you can discuss, among other things, Thom Yorke as an old man, Beck's unfortunate facial furniture, and imagining if Morrissey decided to return the favour and record an album called Morrissey Sings Colin Meloy (for sure he would cover On the Bus Mall).
Hallowe'en candy. When I was a kid we got Hallowe'en Kisses and horrid crap like that. Now it's all chocolate bars!


hilary m. said...

I'm no fan of snow and stretch limos either. Or Jared Leto. Actor turned singers are horrible enough. But when you make a shitty emo band! Oh well, I'll still be interested in the interview.

Yay for Morrissey Sing Colin Meloy! That made my day. I would buy that album ASAP.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Wasn't that snow ridiculous today, Hilary? Those poor little peanuts going out trick or treating!
That Leto interview could be interesting in that it could quite possibly (with any luck) be inflamatory.
I would buy Morrissey Sings Colin Meloy too. It'd be great and can you imagine how thrilled Colin would be?

hilary m. said...

He'd be so thrilled he'd make "Colin Meloy sings Morrissey singing Colin Meloy"!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahahaha!!!!! You win, Hilary! You should carpool with us.

mellowlee said...

OMG he called your niece and her friend bitches? Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. What and asshole! Before I could care less about him, now Im hating! BOOOOOO!

Halloween candy did used to be grody eh? I love those little mini chocolate bars. :)

Come visit me here in snow...none!

John Mutford said...

In that short blink that we moved back to Newfoundland, we had a neighbour that came over with his snowblower every morning. We had a lowly shovel, so we couldn't return the favour. But I agree, neighbours like that rock (or shine). We asked them to move to Iqaluit, but so far no such luck.

Maureen said...

Hahaha, and I'm actually travelling toward that white stuff, am I dumb or WHAT? And I walked into a store the other day (sounds like the start of a bad joke) and they were putting up xmas trees - disgusting!!!!

tydes said...

I prefer powder blue t-shirts with a ruffled tuxedo printed on them to actual powder blue tuxedos.

But I'm a man with true class.

Allison said...

I have to agree with everything on your shit list! I can't believe you guys already have condolences, truly. Although with all this rain here, I think I'd welcome the snow. Then I remember the shoveling, and the constant nose running.
I always try to shovel the neighbours walk, because when the favour gets returned it always makes my day.

When I saw Jared Leto was going to be on The Hour, I was thankful I stopped watching, and can click over him when watching online. Not only is his music horrid, he's rude to fans...BOO to him.

Your carpool conversations sound a lot like my midnight tea conversations with friends. I cherish the random.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

And he's really short too, according to my niece, Mel. Not that I would normally care about that, but maybe that's partly why he's such a fuckwit.
I'm packing my bags and catching the fastest train out there.

We've been really lucky with our neighbours here, John. We don't hang out with them like we used to with our neighbours in London, but everyone sure is good about stuff like shovelling. I hope you find some great neighbours in Iqaluit.

What are you thinking, Maureen? It's a hellhole here right now. Of course that could change tomorrow.
Stupid stores with their stupid Christmas stuff already. gggrrr.

You are in a class of your own, Jeff.
The t-shirt tux is much more comfortable too, and still looks good the next day after you sleep in it. And you're all ready for another grad!

I'd take rain any day, Allison. I love rain. You could say I'm happy when it rains.
I hope Jared Leto gets ripped apart in the interview. Maybe we should plant a few pointed questions with George.
Since I drive Eva to school in the morning now (~ 20 minutes) we use that time to get all our weirdness out before we have to face other people. I love random conversations too.

Grumpy Old Bastard said...

Snow? SNOW?!? Holy crap woman, we haven't seen a decent accumulation around here since, oh...1996. You folks were kind enough to send us your blistering prairie heat this last summer - how about a few flakes?

And, no, sending us Jared Leto does not count toward the flake count. That wasn't funny, I can't believe you said that! You should be ashamed.

I occasionally get to take Mia to school. We have had a few deep conversations, but mostly I just try my hardest to humiliate her by acting like a spaz and shouting that I can no longer control my bowels as she crosses the playground. We have a special relationship. She will probably need therapy.

'chelle says hi, she is crying for snow.


Barbara Bruederlin said...

How about dandruff flakes, GOB? Got any use for them? No? Sheesh, no dandruff, no Jared Leto? Fussy.

Poor Mia! I don't imagine it would be easy to be your offspring. She's going to end up putting you into a really crappy old folks home one day.

Hi Michelle! How you doing, babe?

Deb said...

Snow just plain sucks. Linds just doesn't understand why I don't want to put on 30 pounds of clothes to go out and get soaked through to the bone. I just can't find any fun in can't eat it, it doesn't feel good and it plays no music. I can relate to your feelings on this one Barbara.

Yes, this Christmas shopping in July thing is not working for me.

Too bad for kids don't trick or treat anymore so I can no longer pull the "oh, don't eat this one, it looks a little funny" anymore. Damn.

Stephanie said...

haha that Jared Leto thing was funny. but seriously, what an ass for being so rude to your neice

Ben Heller said...

Snow already ! Sheesh that's bad news. Snow holds no romanticism in me either, all I think of is crappy car journeys.

Stretch limo's are ugly you're right, if I had the money it would be a Rolls Royce every time. They just breathe class.Pink preferably.

Mozzer's in the studio right now Barbara. He's recording "Morrissey sings Jared Leto" as we speak. He's an inspiration apparently.

Thom Yorke is an old man in a young man's body. He's been weary since 1993, and I bet he's got a walk in bath and little lace covers over the headrests and arms of his couch.

Barbara said...

Sorry about the snow Barbara B.
Thanks for the head up about Jared Leto, I had never heard of him before. Now I know not to like
In Montreal's suburbs we all have a snow plow contractor that comes to clean the driveways... No one shovels anymore.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

"Don't eat this one, it looks a little funny" - hahaha I miss those days too, Deb. I also used the "let's put half of your candy in the freezer for later in the year" ploy. That was a good one too, as frozen chocolate bars are pretty darned good.

Yeah, I don't know where people get off being assholes. You'd think if you were trying to flog your crappy band, you'd be a little nicer.

I can see you in a pink Rolls, Ben, delivering your cakes to the needy. It's too perfect.
Mozzer knows quality material when he hears it. It's only natural that he should be covering 30 Seconds to Mars. An album of Fall Out Boy covers is his next project.
You've obviously been to the Yorke household! That's very close to how Eva and I picture things as well! (We really need you in our carpool to discuss these matters.)

We mostly don't have driveways in our neighbourhood, Barbara W, as the garages open to the back lane, so it's sidewalks only.
Of course in London, we had a shared laneway with a house butting up on each side of it, so we had to shovel the snow either all the way to the back or all the way to the front. And it was that heavy wet, heart attack-inducing stuff, much like you'll be getting in Toronto.

michelle said...

Hi Barbara! I had to see the snow pictures for myself... whimper. sob. Can I like, camp out in your backyard for the winter? We'll drink spiced ('n spiked) hot cider in my little pup tent when you get home from work every night while we trash Jared Leto until his ears fucking burn off. Jerk.

I'm fine! :D Better 'n fine, dandy in fact. And you, beautiful, are sounding fab. Thanks for the add on Food Porn, sorry for being such an ingrate & taking so long for the nod. Bad me.

668 aka neighbour of the beast said...

i can not stand stretch limos. we always want to spit on them when we see them around.

kees said...

Guilty - October is a Christmas month as far as I'm concerned.

And now Jared Leto is a cockhead as far as I'm concerned.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Hang on a minute, Michelle, how come I have to go to work while you get to camp out in the backyard? I'm all for the spiked cider and trash talk though! (And maybe we can move into the living room at some point).

They are ridiculous and pretentious, 668. And butt-ugly.

Kees! Just stop it with the C talk! At least until Wednesday.
You said cockhead - hahaha!

She's Crafty said...

Eww...Jared Leto. Didn't he end up in the "OUT" pile with "my so called life?"

In BC, you can't shovel rain. Sometimes it might be nice b/c we get so much of it. I am not complaining about that today, no rain. It was mighty cold but I can't complain about that either b/c I am not in the middle of a snow storm.

There is a lack of halloween around my house b/c my daughter is terrified of it. Athough the dressing up part is okay as long as it is just her (she asked to be a "Barbie dancing princess, how could I say no.) And she is down with the pumpkins and the cookies and chocolate.

michelle said...

Hah, got me there, oops... you'll develop a winter-long cold & I'll call in as your physician every day & forge notes 'n things for you. :) Then we'll get bombed on spiked cider & roast things in your fireplace.

Then we're gonna get you inked, hahah!

Beck's unfortunate facial furniture? Please enlighten me 'cuz it sounds REALLY funny...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I agree, Serah, but he obviously still thinks he is an "it" boy.
Too bad about the lack of Hallowe'en at your place, but I sure that is short-term. Before you know it, your dancing Barbie princess will be lurching around with fangs and fake blood dripping from her lips.

Michelle, you are ON, baby! The sooner the better.
Oh about Beck - I think it was Kees whom I first heard describe facial hair as furniture. I liked the phrase. Beck now has a sparse little wispy moustache which does not make him older than 12.

668 aka neighbour of the beast said...

what is bad about bc rain is that 90% of the people here can't drive in it! i would assume in calgary that you guys at least know how to drive in the snow.

Anonymous said...

snow....sighhhh...i miss the good ole snowy prairie days, now its rain rain rain...although i think we might have had 6 rain days since beginning of june....

going down to a bone chilling -5 here tonight...thats mid-winter weather....send blankets now...quick

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Sadly, 668, those assumptions would be wrong. Every time we have a chinook, people forget we ever had snow and the first snowfall after that, 100s of collisions.

Sending you some nice cow hair blankets by pony express, Kelly. I do like squeaky snow, I admit.

Will said...

I did something like this over at my original blog - it was called "Real Cool/ Really Not Cool." It's fun to do and certainly fun to read from other people.

Too funny and where do I even begin. Mentioning Christmas before Thanksgiving is a little odd too I think. 30 Seconds To Mars are dreadful. And snow, well I've never really experienced that in all of its glory.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I like the title "Really Cool/Really Not Cool", Will! Much better than my title.

Snow is glorious the first 576,875,765 times you see it. After that, not so much...

Alana said...

I'm with you on the snow, Barb. We got some brutal storming earlier in the week and we've officially entered the North Pole season in Winnipeg. Pro: It provided me the opportunity to buy an orange scarf!

And ARGGHGHGHH!! Jared Leto. What a douche that guy is! And what was with his hair on The Hour? Was I the only one who wanted to attack him with an electric razor?! How emo can a man in his thirties get???

*blood pressure raises*

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Ooooh an orange scarf - sounds divine, Alana!

But it should be interesting having Grey Cup in Winnipeg this year. Everyone will be wearing their skidoo suits and drinking brandy - never a good combination.

Sadly, I can't watch the Hour anymore, but I take your word for it that Jared Leto was a real douche. I wouldn't have expected anything less.