Fiddy's been done, and so has Diddy, as has JRoc and KFed, so what are we going to call Will?
Let me first say that I have a tremendous degree of respect for Will in his capacity as a music critic and film-maker and someone who has his thumb firmly on the pulse of what is about to go down in pop culture. But never did I dream that our friend Will, proprietor of New & Used Records, was also a rap master extraordinaire.
But it's true, my friends. And through some great turn of fortune, I have been blessed recently with not one, but two, Will Benham original compositions in my honour. I can't tell you how thrilled I am. But I sure can share them with you.
Somebody give the man a beat fer Christ's sake:
office depot you was whack/messed with the zombie and you got smacked/
best fire that manager whose like ricky gervais/
at least give him a lesson in customer service/
it was a trying time, took a couple a months/
but eventually, btz had you for lunch/
now i'm still wary of office depot/
cuz if my shit don't work, don't wanna deal with a creep-o/
but now you made it possible for barbara to buy some blank cd's/
to which i say, can i get a copy of the victory mix please/
now in conclusion, i gotta spread it around/
don't fuck with the zombie, cuz she will throw you down/
because you're not only dealing with her/
you're dealing with an army in the blogosphere
And if that doesn't get your bling jingling and your gold teeth flashing, how about this one:
it's your birthday
gonna party like it's your birthday
gonna eat salmon and pizza like it's your birthday
and you don't give a fuck cuz it's your birthday
hope you don't have to work
office depot's still a jerk
a new decemberists cd would make me go bezerk
you got some mix cd's from some offspring
and hopefully there's no songs from the offspring
Oh yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about!
The only thing is, "Will Benham" just is not going to cut it as a hip-hop moniker. If Will is serious about promoting his obvious rapping talents, he's going to have to get his bad self a bad-ass name. A yellow PVC suit wouldn't hurt either.
What should Will's hip-hop alias be?