Friday, September 22, 2006

Barbara needs a good swift k@#$”

I'm way behind in posting this, but life and shit sometimes gets in the way of our best intentions, doesn't it? Anyhooo, the beautiful and talented Michelle posted a really fun meme the other day. Google "your name + needs" and list the 10 best answers that pop up.
I tried Barbara first and kept running into stuff that the town of Santa Barbara needs. While I am in total agreement that I do need a decent Thai restaurant (as does Santa Barbara apparently), I am less certain that I actually need a lot of munipical policy changes.
Here are a few other things that Barbara needs:
- Barbara needs to blog (not true, I can quit any time)
- Barbara needs to lose weight to avoid potential cardiovascular (have you been watching me get naked?)
- Barbara needs a screen, projector and cart for a PowerPoint presentation. (who doesn't?)
- Barbara needs real training in dealing with Black women (as opposed to artificial training in dealing with Black women)
and finally, my personal favourite, aside from the title of this post -
- So what if she is a lezbo, Barbara doesn't have to bring it up on TV... That just wasn't cool! Barbara needs to retire... She's a crazy old hag!!!!
So then, tiring of hearing about Santa Barbara's neediness, I googled Barb.
Here are my 10 favourites things that Barb needs:
- to drive to your event (couldn't I just walk there?)
- a record contract … now (that's what I've been saying!)
- to collect membership fees (I thought you were going to do that)
- torch and annihilus and 9 war cry gc or 9 masteries (I have no idea what this means, but it's getting me all hot)
- to be kept in groups of five or more (well, naturally)
- to be eliminated (that's a little harsh)
- to be fed a variety of foods including vegetables as well as meaty foods (yes, yes, and chocolate!)
- a family that appreciates her endearing and happy personality (finally, someone who understands)
- to come home, the city is but an empty shell without her (awwwww, I missed you too!)
- to mail a letter. She has accumulated a rather unusual supply of stamps (and most of them are 1 cent stamps)

What do you need?


hilary m. said...

"Hilary needs to let those puppies out more"


lol. Google never fails to amaze me.

Barbara said...

Is that what I need?

Allison said...

Would did we do before Google??
That is actually an hilarious game. The first one that came up for my name made me laugh outloud, as did my number 5;
"How real is this needs assessment thing anyway?"

OK, next game :)

Maureen said...

we're all so needy! and i seem to have more 1 cent stamps than necessary too, i'm sure the price will go up again soon and maybe someday i'll mail an actual paper letter

Becky said...

I love that game! It went around my school by e-mail last year...
My fave for my name is "Becky needs to blackmail a friend to get information about her blind date." or "Becky needs a Physciatrist."
Hmmm... maybe :P

Allison said...

Can I just say, this game was played tonight with friends and it produced hilarious results...clearly, my friends and I need to get out more ;P
"Allison needs all these and offers fortunes to experienced men in all the lines"

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahaha thanks for playing along, you guys. I am using one of Maureen's from the other day for today's quote: "Maureen needs to consider her uterus".

Hilary, talk to your mother before you start letting those puppies out more, for pete's sake! Sometime the internetz doesn't give the best advice.

Apparently, Barbara W. Although perhaps you want to try one of your more common nicknames: Babs or Barbie.

I wish I could live in Google sometimes, Allison. And really, how real IS the needs assessment thing, and just how many experienced men were there in all those line anyway? I'm intrigued now.

I heard the other day that Canada Post is doing away with 1 cent stamps, Maureen. Now I'm really fucked, because I think I have my life savings tied up in 1 cent stamps (and nothing to use them on).

"Becky needs to blackmail a friend to get information about her blind date." - I love that one, Becky! And you know, it's pretty solid advice actually.

mellowlee said...

Oh my god, how hilarious! I am gonna post mine later :) Thanks Barbara!

mellowlee said...

Sarah thinks Melanie needs to find "a happy medium between being a strong female and being overzealous in her opinions."
Hmmmmmph! lmao

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Well what does she know anyway, Mel? Sheesh! Some of these things can get pretty personal. But they're still fun.

Anonymous said...

"GOB Needs $190 Million for 2006/2007 Debt Shortfall..."

Damn, it's eerie how acurate these can be!


Anonymous said...

oooh, you get a double list! Lucky YOU oh listmeister goddess!!!

I like your '9 anniliationus to gc by 9 snocones before rmagedn' answer... kinda got me all curious too, heh.

I gotta say, your replies were the best part, though. :D Love you, rocker woman!

hilary m. said...

It would be a mad world when people start getting advice from the internet.


Will said...

Haha, Barbara ! One of your all time best posts.

I just had to play along.
Here's some..

Ben needs a Molly weekender

Ben needs a haircut... shaggy dog.

Ben needs a constant power nap.

Ben needs to get a working copy of the Hello source tree.

Ben felt the need to molest this dippy girl.

ben needs to stay away from large bodies of water

Ben needs, I feel sure -- a few good messes of locusts.

Ben needs time for his omnitrix to recharge and the titans can keep fighting as long as they want.

Ben needs to eat more to fit in.

karen said...

Kees needs help with PC. Kees also needs $69 million. Well, yeah.

BUT I found the most hilarious site which I now need to post cos it's too too funny...

Karen said...


Karen Needs (my fav's):

- to grow up
- a therapist
- a new job (oh yes indeed!)
- a man
- Horney (actually some Karen's last name)
- to finish her thesis
- to complete her loan
- to learn the basics of spending and budgeting
- to tell her mom straight out and stop prying

Oh my god...the internet knows me!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Whewww, GOB, you a big spender, man! Why that's bigger than my entertainment bill from all of last year.

Well, Michelle, I have to thank you of course for finding this enlightening activity in the first place. You rock the internetz!

But they DO get advice from the internet, Hilary, that's the scary thing! I remember Matt Good one time listing his symptoms and asking his blog readers what he should be doing about them. I told him to go to the doctor.

Thanks Ben, it's fun, isn't it? What on earth is a Molly weekender? Sounds suspicious.
Once you get that haircut and take care of a few good messes of locusts, feel free to drop by and I will make sure to feed you, so that you can fit in.

At least 69 million, Kees, bare minimum. Oooo now I'm all curious - can't wait to see this site you are posting!

hahaha the internetz has been spying on you, Karen! Or, maybe that was your mom.

mellowlee said...

Hehe, I did mine and posted it. that was such fun!!!!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm coming right over to check out your needs, Mel.

Alana Elliott said...

LOL! That's AWESOME! The ones that came up for your name were so funny! I googled mine and spent 10 minutes laughing about it. :P I think, like Mel, I might post it tonight (for something to do, lol). Thanks for the heads up, that was great!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Oh yay, I can't wait to read yours, Alana. Coming over now.