Tuesday, May 02, 2006

On Average, You Would Sell Out For
$311,465
Shit, that wouldn't even buy me a house.
I've got to set my sights higher.
***
Eva's drama class is going to some drama festival next week and I'm filling out the permission slip right now. There's a section on the Acknowledgement of Risk form that says
"potential hazards may include but are not limited to the following:"
and the school office has filled in: "bus transportation" - okay I get that, and
"being in a theatre"
- what, what, what? Do they think she's Lincoln or something?
and hahaha in grade 5, they took square dancing in gym and we had to fill out an Acknowledgement of Risk form for that too! Square dancing! Not square dancing while wrassling cougars. Not square dancing while jumping out of planes. Not square dancing while swimming with sharks. Just plain old square dancing. Must be those highly flammable polyester shirts.

25 comments:

michelle said...

I'd sell out for $1,084,347. It must have been the LSD in the punchbowl question...

Barbara, I can definitely see how wearing one of those square dancing skirts would be hazardous to my health! But seeing a play? I dunno, Eva could suddenly become narcoleptic from terminal boredom and fall off her seat bruising her tailbone or something...

Barbara said...

Sell out in what sense? I need to know what I am selling exactly.
That would buy a very nice house in my neighborhood.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Wow, I could learn a thing or two from you, Michelle. I guess I shouldn't have answered yes to that framing someone you don't like question. I'm way too easy.

Those risk forms kill me sometimes. OMG I need a risk form to fill out the risk forms!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Try the quiz, Barbara W! It's self explanatory. (selling your soul, essentially)

And I live in a hyper-inflated market. Bubble will burst one day, though.

Grumpy Old Bastard said...

Anyone who thinks that square dancing isn't dangerous has never seen me square dance. (I had to...it was part of gym class. Stop looking at me like that!) Actually, any dance or dance-like activity is destined for failure if I am a participant.

Yes, I am that pathetic. Thank you.

GOB

Alana said...

I took square dancing in elementary school as well. I can still do the Boot Scootin' Boogie, which is embarrasing, but c'mon, learning the Chicken Dance was totally useful! It comes in handy at wedding receptions, right?

Okay, I know. Lame! LOL

Alana said...

And apparently, I would sell out for $1,084,347 as well. Surprising, I was sure it would be less.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Has anybody ever lost an eye whilst square dancing with you, GOB? I guess there's the potential for that.
I'll bet you're a killer dancing in the kitchen to Talking Heads, though.

I thought everyone was born knowing the Chicken Dance, Alana. Isn't it part of the collective Canadian psyche? Did you have to wear a bike helmet during square dance lessons? Because we were sure that's what Eva's class were going to have to do, it sounded so dangerous.
Obviously you and Michelle have much higher principles than I do when it comes to selling out. I'm going to have to re-evaluate the selling price of my soul.

Barbara said...

Ok I took the quiz. I said no to all those questions. It still said I would sell out at 1,123,000. or something like that. pfffft.

I remember doing 'The Hustle' in grade six. We all Hustled safely.
When I was 16 I did line dance with John Scnieder (Bo Duke) once for real at The Telethon of Starts. Long, weird, true story.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Maybe $1,123,000 is the maximum value of an intact soul, Barbara. That seems pretty low.
You must fill us in on your professional dance career sometime; it sounds fascinating and disturbing.

Maureen said...

Apparently I would sell out for $1,064,808 - I thought it would be lower, haha. School risk forms are very funny, I wonder what would happen if you got a papercut while filling it out? Or maybe signing it in blood would be fun.

Will said...

How much would I sell out for? Good question. I have to think about it, because - if you didn't know - I am all about the money. Hillary even got me these black socks with dollar signs. My co-workers think I'm just rocking black socks with dress shoes but, no, they are wrong.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Looks like I'm still a cheaper sell-out than you are, Maureen. I love your idea about signing acknowledgement of risk forms in blood. I may just try that next time!

Will, I did not know you were all about the money. And I thought you were such an artist! Should Hillary really be encouraging your Machiavellian ways with her sock purchases?
I'll bet you are uber-cool at work, though.

hilary m. said...

I remember for our trip to a conservation centre there were about 100 potential hazards. one of which was "bacteria formed from other student's lunchs". well you never know, I've heard carrots are pretty dangerous...

phlegmfatale said...

I'd sell out for $1,118,111, but I'd need some clarifications. Would the dog I run over have to be my own, and would giving up sex mean giving up sex with myself? *LOL* I mean, shit, I'm 40, and might live another 40, and stretched over 40 years, that's not really THAT much money...

Oh, and the square dancing risk must have been a high danger of wearing white shoes before Memorial Day. Or, whatever your late May holiday is in Canada.

Tydes Perdition said...

I'd sell out at $986,579 and, I too, answered a great big yes to the LSD question. But I'd probably do that for ten bucks.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Oh that's brilliant, Hilary! There's all manner of WMD in other kids' lunches, good thing they have those acknowledgement of risk forms to protect the kiddies!

Those are all good questions, Phlegmfatale, and I don't think they ever specified if you had to tell your spouse that you slept with his friend either (although I still said yes - hey maybe that's why I got such a low score!)
Victoria Day - yes, you're right - not white shoes or planting carrots prior to that date. No wonder people are getting killed while square dancing.

Man, even you beat me, Jeff! Wait a minute, I didn't mean it like that...
But yeah, who could possibly refuse the LSD in the punchbowl? Anything to perk up Thanksgiving dinner.

Grumpy Old Bastard said...

It appears that I would sell out for $288,265. What? How did they know?
Still, $288,265 seems a little arbitrary. I would absolutely not sleep with the spouse of my best friend or run over a dog or spout racist comments for the rest of my life. I did say yes to spiking the punch with LSD at Thanksgiving (if you fail to see the humor in the picture story this conjures then you do not know my adoptive family) and to the three bowls of spiders (I have always contended that I could eat pretty much anything with enough tartar sauce, bleu cheese dressing, and hot sauce).

I am NOT eating all those spiders for just $288,265 - not when I was promised A LOT more. Tell you what, make it an even $288,300, and pass the tartar.

Mmmmm, spiders.

GOB

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Thank you thank you, GOB! I am no longer the cheapest sellout here. Not that you're a cheap sellout, just cheaper than me.
You said yes to the three bowls of spiders? umm, eww.
I agreed to framing someone I didn't like anyway, so that was pretty low, I guess. But you should surely get the $10,000 you were promised for the spiders.

Will said...

Very funny observations on the field trip notice.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

The paperwork is running (and ruining) the schools, Will, but it does provide a wonderful theatre of the absurd.

Alana said...

LOL, it's all about spiking the punch bowl! As soon as I pictured my 75 year old Grandmother tripping out, and after I stopped laughing, I answered "yes" to that bad boy! Nothing beats Grandma giggling at the colourful trails left behind her moving fingers...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

yes, tripped out Granny! There's a thought that will get me through the night, Alana.

Barbara said...

My family is trippy enough without LSD help thanks.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Yeah, mine too, come to think of it