It sounds like the first line of a joke, doesn't it? But believe me, dearest readers, 'tis no joke.
Crazy season is starting again (March to October) in which woodpeckers incessantly eat our house. You should see the big bloody holes they put in the wood! One year they even built a nest beneath the cedar siding. We've tried all the "solutions" offered by the wild bird store and have been resorting to cat patrol a lot, but they are getting smarter and are drilling up at the second floor level. Right beside my head when I'm lying in bed, actually.
Perhaps we can lower Sputnik in a sling from the roof down to where they are attacking.
Currently the woodpeckers begin their day at about 7:30, but in high summer it starts getting light about 4:00am. They seem to feel that it's fair game to begin drilling any time after dawn. Now I'm a fairly early riser, but that's ridiculous.
We've tried slingshots and pellet guns with limited success. Short of replacing the cedar siding with aluminum, not in the budget and not appealing to my sense of aesthetics, I'm at a loss. Any suggestions, oh wise people?