Report from the Provinces
My mole imbedded deep inside the Fisheries Branch of the Water Stewardship department of the Government of Manitoba informs me that my blog has been blocked from viewing on the Manitoba government computer! Apparently it contains "questionable material".
Hahahaha that is fucking hilarious!!!!!!
Moi? Questionable material?
I am inordinately pleased by this. Somehow I feel as though I have arrived.
The banishment seems to have started the day I published a post with the title Fuck the Fucking Fuckers. Okay, I can see that. But it was lifted yesterday when I published a post entitled Jesus will sing Joy Division in BBC Easter Special.
Perhaps the name Jesus triggered the green light, or maybe the word Joy in Joy Division. They are obviously not aware that Joy Division was the post-punk band that ushered in the beginnings of rave culture, or that Joy Division themselves took their name from the groups of Jewish women who were kept as sex slaves in Nazi concentration camps.
See, you have to delve a little deeper than the surface sometimes to get the true meaning of something. And they think the word fuck is offensive...
Back in Alberta, I realised the other day that Alberta's centennial year is now officially over, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Because, mercifully I heard the official Alberta centennial song, called (oh so cleverly ... yeah right) Alberta! only two or three times.
Originally, I thought the idea of an Alberta centennial song was a pretty good one; there are lots of talented songwriters living here who could pen something worthy of the occasion. There are lots of great new bands forging a place for themselves here: Chixdiggit, Hot Little Rocket, Corb Lund band, to name a few who could do it justice. Heck, even an old chestnut like Ian and Sylvia Tyson's Four Strong Winds would fill in nicely.
What did we get instead? Well, you judge. Here is the first verse, just to give you a taste:
Flatlands, rollin’ plains
Clear blue skies, prairie rains;
A tapestry of colours in the fall.
Snow covered mountain tops,
Wheat fields, canola crops;
Alberta has it all.
Now, I'm sure that the writer, Mary Kieftenbeld, is a very nice person, who probably loves horses, or some damn thing, but honestly, that is the most hackneyed, cliched, cornball piece of puke I've laid eyes upon in a long while. If you are actually brave enough to listen to it, click on the link - they've got a sample, may God have mercy on your soul.
Bring on 2006.
Finally, our illustrious premier, Ralph Klein, has been declared by popular vote, the funniest Albertan in 100 years.
I can get behind this. I hate the man's politics and his troublesome habit of demolishing hospitals and shutting down schools, but God Damn, the things that come out of that man's mouth. They had his mouth duct-taped shut during the federal election to minimise his chances of inadvertantly jeopardizing the Conservative fight for power. And I guess it worked.
Time to let Ralph make another impromptu comment on the social conditions in Alberta.
Come'on, we need a good laugh.