Oh yippee, I get to go for a mammogram tomorrow. There's nothing that says fun, fun, fun quite like having your breasts compressed between two plates while you hold your breath.
If you've never experienced the joy, let me share a bit.
First, the instructions on the requisition from the Radiologist:
"Bathe or shower day of examination (well, yeah!) and do not use deodorant, antiperspirant or talcum before examination (but my appointment's not till 1:00!). Stay on a caffeine-free diet (yeah that's going to happen) to minimize discomfort of compression (understatement much?) required for optimal examination. Pre-menstrual tenderness - you may delay booking until tenderness has subsided (what about the tenderness due to boob squishage?)"
I just adore placing my breast on a flat plate which is at about shoulder-level and then having the radiology technician moosh it about until it's just so. Then another flat plate comes down on that poor sad boob lying there, as well as whatever armpit flab you have, and everything is slowly tightened down until it's all squashed to about 1/2 inch thickness. Then you have to hold your breath, stand on your head, and spit three times over your left shoulder (okay I made those last two up). Many excruciating minutes and several plate tiltings occur (that's fun!) and then the other one gets its turn.
So if you haven't made your mammography exam appointment yet, what are you waiting for?
Guys, are proctology exams anywhere near this much fun?