Saturday, December 31, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
I never did have that impulse, and eventually the feeling that I someday would, disappeared.
Now, however, I have that same relationship with our garbarator. We have lived in this house for nine years, and I have a very uneasy truce with the garbarator in the kitchen. I hardly ever use it, as I mostly compost kitchen waste, but occasionally the odd scrap will end up down the garbarator so I'll have to turn it on from time to time. And every time I do, I wonder, will I be overcome with the impulse to plunge my arm down into the running garabator, just the see what sort of damage those blades would do to flesh and bone?
I never actually have the desire to do that, you understand, just the fear that I may have that desire (so don't phone the psych ward just yet).
Does anyone else ever have that sort of fear of a harmful compulsion taking hostage of your common sense?
Or is it just me?
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Fortunately Jer brought his laptop home so I'm pecking away on that. It took me a while to understand that the little red mouse button in the centre of the keyboard does not scroll, but rather is a joystick-type of contraption. I was sweating away on it for a while until that realization kicked in.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
It was Christmas Eve babe
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
Still had to get up at 6:00, but now that I've had muchos-caffeine and have had a chance to reconnect with the lovely lovely blogosphere after a couple of days abstinence, I feel the big spring in the top of my head starting to unravel (hopefully not taking my cerebral cortex with it). It's been a crazy week, what with the boss being here from Oxford, and Lisa having her thesis defence, and Jas and I starting to move the lab into the new space. Now it's time to let those issues fade away until January 4.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
What the hell was I thinking?
Our old toaster was crapping out so I ordered one through Air Miles, but I didn't check the specs very carefully. It arrived today. It's monstrous!
You could toast a baby in that thing!
And we never toast four slices of bread at a time.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
Ah, Christmas... What's Christmas without the Pogues?
The cynical-beyond-her-years resident music nerd has declared that Fairytale of New York is the only Christmas song she can stand. (ed note: What about John Prine's Christmas in Prison if you want to get into the Paxil mood?) In her honour, I thought it would be fun to link Fairytale of New York to said cynic in six steps. Here goes:
1. Farytale of New York was written by Shane MacGowan, frontman for the Pogues (motto: "single-handedly upholding the reputation of Irishmen as drunks and brawlers").
Shane MacGowan is rerecording Farytale of New York, but the woman who originally sang the female lyrics in the song (and whose name I'm sorry I can't recall) has died. Her part will be sung instead by a woman whose name you just might be familar with:
2. Kate Moss (aka Cocaine Kate) will grace the song with her vocals. The last time I checked, Kate was more famous for introducing the modelling world to the phenomenon of heroin chic skinny chicks, for her ability to get dumped by most of her sponsors for her coke habit only to be embraced again by them after rehab (like there's a shortage of models in the world?), and of course for her on-again-off-again relationship with a certain junkie rock star:
3. Pete Doherty, former Libertine, and also former frontman of the crap band Babyshambles, looks every so sophisticated escorting Kate to her model world functions. That is when he's not busy breaking into former band-mate Carl Barat's flat and stealing stuff, or having methidone pellets sewn into his abdomen (while still taking heroin), oh lord I could go on and on about our Peter, but there's enough for a book, so I'll save the rest for a future post perhaps. Except to mention the Live 8 duet he performed in which he forgot the words to T-Rex's Children of the Revolution. He later claimed that he was not stoned, but rather discombobulated by the fact that Bob Geldof's daughter had grabbed his ass while he was going on stage. The duet was with another famous Brit:
5. David Furnish is a Canadian.
6. The cynical-beyond-her-years resident music nerd is also a Canadian! Okay, I realise that was a bit of a stretch, as there are also a few other people in the world who would fit that description, but what the hell. She also plans to vote in the first Canadian elections for which she will be of age, if that counts for anything.
"You're a bum. You're a punk. You're an old slut on junk"
Fairytale of New York
Now that's a Christmas song!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
When I exercise, I have to have all my senses otherwise engaged in order to distract myself
from the fact that I am exercising. So I blast the music really really loud (naturally) and, rather than stare at the miles clicking by on the monitor, I watch TV. Being a hedonist at heart, I like something with lots of colour, maybe an Eames chair or two, or a Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired house.
So I gravitate toward a decorating show. You can (and probably should) watch them with the sound off. But there’s such a plethora of sub-quality decorating shows on now that it’s getting harder and harder to find anything worth sweating to.
I can’t stand Trading Spaces. It jumped the shark years ago and no amount of crappy spin-offs is ever going to make it less puke-inducing. And Design to Win infuriates me. That host looks like a poodle, and he's got no eyebrows. I can't stand looking at him.
But lately I’ve discovered one show I can tolerate – Rooms that Rock. The boy decorator - Andrew, I think his name is – is just a gi-normous sass-attack and cute as a button, to boot. He just sashays about with a cup of tea in one hand and the other hand perched jauntily on his hip. He is my favourite gay decorator since Steven Sabados and Chris Hyndmann were the Designer Guys.
And the host-girl has got this perfect Dresden-doll face with the biggest roundest blue eyes I ever seen and a tiny little nose that she wrinkles up charmingly whenever Andrew makes some outrageous remark. I should hate her but I don't. I know it sounds sickening, but for background colour and movement while trying to avoid a coronary, it’ll work for now.
How do you motivate yourself to exercise?
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Which man would you rather have sex with?
Here are some examples of how some of my favourite musicians sing about sex:
John K Samson (The Weakerthans) - sweet and romantic
"I want to fall asleep to the sound of you breathing, in a room near a truck stop on a highway somewhere"
Hawksley Workman - sexy
"truly wishing that you listen when I simply say to you strip-tease for me, baby"
Matthew Good - dirty
"I used to dream about your sister fucking me in the shower"
Bry Webb (The Constantines) - transcendant
"and we laid under heavy sheets to love to spite the strange winds blowing. To lust with raging lungs."
So, based on the lyrics, who would you rather have sex with?
(Gentlemen, if you feel this doesn't apply to you, perhaps you would like to share some words or approaches that you've found to be particularly successful when bedding a woman ... or a man, whatever)
I choose tantric sex with Bry Webb
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Sunday, December 04, 2005
So you thought that most of Alberta's revenues came from oil and gas, did you? Well, technically they do, but there's another revenue source that's very lucrative for the province - government-controlled gambling.
When we first moved here, I started to volunteer at my kid's school and was very quickly asked if I wanted to work the casino. "The what?", I sputtered. "At the school?" Oh no, they quickly assured me, this would be at a REAL casino and the money raised would go toward a new playground. "We have them every year", they told me proudly, "and they're very profitable."
Yeah, I'll bet they are and what a great message to send to our kids: don't work hard for something you want, just rely on luck to get it for you. Buy a bunch of lottery tickets every week! Try the VLTs if you need some more cash!
Now I'll admit I've never understood the lure of Las Vegas. I've always considered it to be tacky and have never had the desire to see Wayne Newton, Celine Dion, or Siegfried and Roy (although that tiger attack would have been kinda cool to see, but what are the chances you would have actually caught that? Might as well have stayed at the slots, I think.) But do you know how many casinos there are in Calgary? Neither do I, but it's a bunch and they're building even more. And there are a shitload of VLTs in the province.
Of course, the Alberta Gaming Commission has wisely set up a gambling addiction program to deal with the aftermath.
So now, there a senior's group in Lethbridge who get together every week to play cribbage and they collect $10.00/couple/month to cover the costs of coffee and cookies and a small cash prize for the winner. The largest payout has been $100.00. The AGC wants them to cease and desist, because they are "generating illegal gambling revenues".
Give me a fucking break! It's cribbage for Christ's sake! And a bunch of seniors who want to socialise a wee bit!
This government sure has its priorities fucked.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Can I Get a Witness?
My Constantines cd finally arrived and I've kissed it all over and then played it 879 times while dancing wildly in the kitchen. I think I herniated myself, but it was worth it.
The debut cd is much more raw than Shine a Light or Tournament of Hearts, and it's aggressive and heavy and driving and very political and absolutely necessary.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
What the phunk is going on?
Two signs that I am turning into a crotchety old fart:
1. I’m becoming fearful of icy sidewalks. I tore my hamstrung some good last winter and now I dread the thought of doing that again. I even have a waffle-mark on my knee still – a permanent reminder of the pair of pants I was wearing.
2. I find myself wondering what IS the point of the Black Eyed Peas? I had the dubious pleasure of watching them perform the half-time show at Grey Cup and fuck do they ever reek! And it pisses me off no end to hear people appropriating other people’s voices. Fergie, you are not black. Quit trying to talk black. You look like an idiot.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Friday, November 25, 2005
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
In recognition of the great American holiday of Thanksgiving (and so smart having it on a Thursday!) and to honour our American sisters and brothers, tomorrow I will only play American music. I mean the genre, not just the Violent Femmes song.
I really quite excited about it - the Pixies, the Violent Femmes, Neko Case, Wilco, the B-52's, the Dead Kennedys, Jane's Addiction, the Replacements, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day, the Ramones, Death Cab for Cutie, Nirvana, Neutral Milk Hotel, REM - whew, I don't think the day is going to be long enough.
So, HAPPY THANKSGIVING, all!
As you may have heard, The Hour will be in Vancouver next Tuesday and Wednesday. Matt Good is going to be on the show! And I am going to shamelessly take credit for this (my lips to George's ear, you know). Here's the letter I sent The Hour when they were in Vancouver in the spring (I'm not sure why I still have this):
I would love to see Canada's most under-rated musician, Matthew Good, on the show when you are in Vancouver. Musical genius aside, I can think of few people who are more passionate, articulate, and outspoken about geopolitics, human rights, poverty, democracy, etc etc. And he writes an astounding blog! There is nothing more entertaining than Matt Good in an all-out full-blown indignant rant. I'd give my first-born to see him on The Hour (sorry Eva).
Please send all tokens of appreciation to this blog. Cash accepted.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
There's a fellow at work who comes around every Tuesday to pick up the recyclables. He's mentally challenged and he's the coolest guy. We have the same conversation every week:
Tuesday Guy: 'Morning!
Tuesday Guy: It's Tuesday today.
Me: It sure is!
Well, a while ago I started thinking, we've been having this same conversation for about six years now, maybe I should make an effort to expand it a little. Oh God, he didn't like that. My responses of "yes, and it looks like a nice day, too" and "and tomorrow's Wednesday" met with suspicious glances.
And today I responded "Yup. That's sure a big load you've got today".
Such a look he gave me!
It was obviously pretty distressing to him. I don't want to add to his stress levels at work. I think I'll stick to the script from now on.